If You Build It They Might Just Knock It Out Of The Park

Wowza.  A wonderful word--part wow, part pizza.  That's where it comes from right?  Regardless, Wowza indeed.

Today was INCREDIBLE.  Have I said that before in China? I'm not sure I have.  So really, are you excited? CUZ YOU SHOULD BE.  I have an INCREDIBLE DAY to share with you!

Today was our rubbish fashion show.  That's right, I somehow got kids, teachers, and Chinese staff to think that it was "fun" to use plastic bags, cardboard, tin foil and more to make outfits and then walk on a catwalk with music.  IN CHINA.

The back-story: I work in a culture where creativity and education are not often in the same sentence.  China is a test culture where tests open doors to everyone's futures.  Projects, group work, etc. seldom seem to surface (based on observations in three Chinese high schools).  Sure, student activities to exist to some extent, but they are in the shadows of the exams.

After describing the struggles I face here to friends and family, many conclude: you can't change a culture.  And that...that got me thinking.  I'm an extremely stubborn person when it comes to proving people wrong about what I am capable of doing--often to a fault.  And no, I am not trying to change Chinese culture.  I picked something smaller for my last project in China (though this is the theme of this second and last year): School culture.

Why was my high school successful?  Why did I follow the rules? Why did I feel teachers cared about me?  And the answer seems to be the culture of the school.  My high school was old and it cared a great deal about each of us.  My schools in China don't have this kind of culture, especially the school I was teaching in last year.


So it needs a jolt.  It needs something to get kids thinking and feeling.  It needs CREATIVITY.  My principal approached me to teach 7 periods a week of AP Psych to junior-level students.  A plan that confused me much, so I countered it with an idea.  What if we change everything? What if we try to make a schedule with space to breathe?  I quickly partnered with a teacher who had shown much concern over the situation and the words I uttered snowballed into a full blown schedule weeks later which much support from our staff.  My favorite part of our schedule is Monday because Monday we cancelled all afternoon activities to make room for a big group activity.  Today was the 1st Monday!

After working weeks on a plan, the fashion show idea was fleshed out Friday night alone in an office.  I used feedback I'd gotten along the way to create a plan.  Today we met as a staff and we put the plan in motion.  Somehow my day ended with 19 or so students clad in trash bags, newspapers, etc. walking to music on a red carpet to the delight of their classmates.

Although I was pretty darn stressed the whole day, but on the way home from work I received a wonderful text from a teacher who's had a rough year with our students (it can be one of the most frustrating places as our students, while easier to control, are often hard to inspire and motivate).

It read: "Thank you Johnny.  Thanks to you I've seen for the first time in one year happy kids today.  So happy and innocent."

So there I was riding the subway and my spirit just soared.  I was laughing.  I was that laughing crazy foreigner on the subway.   And something changed, I looked around the subway and I just saw love.  I saw friends chatting.  I saw new couples laughing.  And I just saw people.  And I saw hope.

There are not many days at all where I feel incredible here.  I've written about days where I've woken up and burst into tears because of how frustrated I am. But today I stand tall.  Today I am elated beyond belief.  Today I firmly believe in the power of education and creativity.

I have four weeks left in this job.  Only four more weeks to pump as much inspiration into these schools as I can.  Four weeks to share the joy of being with teenagers.  Four more weeks and so much left to do.  Finally I feel though I'm making the difference I wanted to this year.

Finally I'm being that change I wanted to see.

This is WATER

This is water.
The name of a Youtube video that rings with such overpowering truth I was moved to strange watery-eyed laughter.  I have strange emotions, but I bet you do too.

This is Water by David Foster Wallace

Longer version 22 Minutes: Full Speech (no vid) -- better I think, but longer!

Click on that link and enjoy it--only ten minutes and you might find afterwards you'll have that moment of stillness in that typical 24/7 routine life you lead.

The video is a piece from a commencement speech.  I watch too many of these, but am constantly trying to re-inspire myself as often I find myself in uninspiring situations.  Well, because, among other things, I graduated.  I live in a world where people work for their life, instead of a world where people worked for intellectual curiosity or for, dare I say, fun.  (Of course, this is an over-simplification.  College friends would remind me of my not-so-great days in college and my complaining about the pointlessness of papers and the like.  And of course, this new world can also be fun and intellectual stimulating.)

When I was a kid, I remember my Dad got angry while driving at the other drivers.  We were on our way to soccer practice/game or some similar Johnny-centered activity I think.  Thus, I felt a little bad that he was upset at other cars.  So to calm him down, I told him that...maybe those drivers, the ones cutting us off, are going to a wedding.  He looked at me strangely.  Maybe one's the bride or groom?  He laughed.

This memory is perhaps 80% fake--the validity of memory is poor--but I do remember my Dad telling me about this instance once when I was older.  It seemed I had this ability to just distance feelings of frustration in the world by thinking.  Thinking was my tool to use for my benefit and the benefit of others; help everyone keep calm.  To this day, I still often point out such things to friends and, of course, myself.  And have also learned that everyone has this ability!

But watching this video was POWERFUL today because, well, I've sucked at this since graduating!  Narcissism really refers to an over-inflated sense of self masking a large insecurity, or so it is defined in psychology.  But we're not all narcissistic--it's prevalence is low!  However, we all have a tendency to consider our thoughts, our feelings, our needs as more important that everyone else's.  (Which if you think about it makes a whole lot of sense because our thoughts, feelings, and needs are the only ones we actually know firsthand.)  Thus, this video (which you really have to watch to understand this post) shows us how dumb we can all be running last-minute errands with our self-obsessed minds.

This video was POWERFUL because today I was sending money home.  Which is a complicated process in China due to Chinese laws and due to Chinese bank employees lack of understanding of this complicated process.  Long story short it worked and I walked away relived.  But during the process, the bank gave me wrong information about numbers and codes I using.  I did not know this was wrong information but was surprised as it countered the numbers and codes I had with me.  My Chinese colleagues sided with the bank, though they know little about overseas transfers having never lived overseas.  The bank found a solution, but at a cost of much arguing and time spent to the point that the security guard started insulting our party for taking too long.  Which of course got me thinking, you mother f---ker (silently in my head) as I came super prepared but your bank employees don't know their job.

It became and I versus the world situation--overly dramatized in the retelling of course.  And this task is really very simple it seems in the scheme of things.  So, when I got home from work, I spoke with my bank and was assured I used all the right numbers.  I even looked up the information about the codes and numbers and was able to find, from a credible source, that the information the bank had is simply outdated--which is funny considering last year I did this with much more ease.

But these "I vs. world" situations ARE manifestations of my mind.  Of course it doesn't help that my Chinese skills are poor.  It doesn't help that my colleagues can understand the bankers better than me.  It doesn't help that I moved to China post graduating to learn about that adult life routine in a country that seems to assume I'm stupid or wrong, just because I can't communicate as well.  Even my Chinese friends take extra convincing sometimes on information that expats accept without question.  It's puzzling.

So this video.  The first 3 minutes when he describes the daily routine with the going to the grocery store made me think.  I laughed SO HARD watching this bit, not just because of the universal appeal, but because of my own experiences here and those of other foreigners.

'Like, so there's no food in your fridge.  So you go to the store to get some.  You forgot to weigh your food though, so the cashier takes it away from you.  You protest, but no, you forgot to follow the system so no fruit or veggies for you.  Unless you want to go back into the store and try again after waiting 10 minutes in a long long line.'

'Or--so there's no food in your fridge.  So you go to a local place for dinner, trying to cheer yourself up but they changed the menu format you had memorized and you know some of the characters but not enough and you falter and just feel so stupid.  Why can't I learn this language? Why can't I have EXTRA energy after the exhausting day to learn? If I could just eat fast then I'd have more TIME?'

'Or --so there's no food in your fridge but you want Western food.  So you take a bus or a metro, or two buses and a metro to far away places that you haven't fully learned to navigate and spend a fortune on food that you'll be too tired to cook by the time your odyssey is over and your home.'

'Or--I'm late to work and I'm racing to the metro to find the entrance is missing because they tore it down over the weekend and now have to find another entrance and miss it because it's not marked but find it eventually and somehow, for some reason, blame all of CHINA for this...not a great way to start a day'

The daily grind is HILARIOUS in some respects.  On my good humored days, Chengdu is a laughable challenge full of inquisitive children and adults who point, wave, and want to take a picture with you.  Sometimes you don't get what you ordered.  Sometimes the staff doesn't understand the Chinese you can speak.  But you laugh it off and move on; life is too short to let this silliness under your skin.

On my bad humored day, Chengdu is something else.  It's like you can't go outside without someone laughing at you, pointing at you, and constantly reminding you that YOU ARE NOT FROM HERE.  YOU WILL NEVER FIT IT.  YOU ARE 'LAO WAI'.  And then the order's wrong and your not amused and the waitress really doesn't understand what you said to her last week this week? SERIOUSLY? And you suddenly have become afraid of new things and new bus routes and new areas to get to for a fear of getting lost; even though you are conscious that this was once ALL new and you've learned so much.  And you're afraid of speaking the worlds that 90% of people understand because of the 10% that won't be patient and try to follow your Chinese.


Now, I have two months left here under contract.  Two months left after 19 months here.  Recently I was caught in a downhill spiral of bedbugs, stomach bugs, and many many no-good-really-bad-days.  I meditated on quotes in my room.  I went for walks.  I read travel books.  I tried many more things to get re-inspired with no such luck.  That is, until the video.

The video showed me that the daily grind is challenging for EVERYONE.  Yes, I do feel, in my me-centered thinking, that there are extra challenges here like communicating.  But this daily grind is apart of too many of our lives; my friends' lives.  And it doesn't have to be.  If we can just all remember that we are lucky.  We can think.  We can think our way to positivity, neutrality, and negativity.

How many studies have I read about the power of positive thinking? How DAY A and DAY B are the same day, but person A and person B just had different moods.  And yet, just as Wallace says in his speech, sometimes you can't think yourself out.  Some days we WILL get frustrated.  My Dad or I will yell at that driver or banker.  But the more time I spend out of college, the more I feel the world IS what you make it.  It looks the way YOU want it too.  You can't change how it works but you CAN change how it effects YOU.  (Though I do intend to change parts of how it works and you're welcome to join me!)


P.S. My best advice on this: don't tell your overly stressed-out friend these thoughts.  Trust me, I've been there.  And when you're stressed out and someone says, "look, if YOU just see it like this..." all you want to do it punch them in the face because you didn't hear options, you heard "look, it's YOUR FAULT you think your life sucks, just stop being stupid".  Because inherently, we KNOW it's stupid to live in a negative mood.  So cheer up the stressed-out friend or leave them alone until they calm down.  They will calm down.  I have calmed down, and it's funny again.

Narnia Looks Good Frozen

It's Saturday and it's a work day.  Alas the price for 8 days off is 7 days on.  Thank you Chinese government holiday bureau, you're real sweet to me sometimes.  My second Chinese New Year found me with Sarah, her husband, mother, and, of course, sweet baby Ian.  My Chinese nephew is too cute for words, usually strange throaty sounds made through a smile seem to sum it up better.  I brought him two books from the US: The Lorax and The Places You Will Go by Dr. Seuss.   Sarah says she reads them everyday!  Dr. Seuss was and remains a big favorite of mine--I used his books in Nepal to teach our students.  Of course to continue being the good Uncle/college counselor I am, the hongbao (red envelop) I gave him was hopefully a small gift towards education.   That, and a stuffed animal snake as it is officially the year of the snake.  Whew! I survived the year of the snake.

I entered the New Year with Lynette watching fireworks from our apartment.  We watched Freedom Writers, a dangerous film for someone with 4.5 months left in a position to watch.  I saw it for the first time on my 18th birthday with very patient friends.  I like the story and to be reminded it just takes one person to care for change to occur.  Though movies tend to not have enough time to show how hard that change is generate.

Another thing on my mind is Lizzy Plapinger '10.  She was in my electronic music class also with Max.  She owned a record label in college, Neon Gold, that did well by producing just one song from an artist and making a limited run.  So I was caught by surprise when I learned she and Max have teamed up for a band: MS MR.  I've posted their new music video on too many people's walls, but whatever, it's so good, called "Fantasy".  Check them out!!!  Lizzy inspires me to go out for something big too.  She's worked really hard and I think will continue to have much success.

So after a few days chilling in Chengdu, reworking some music, and being useless, I flew to Harbin, a northern province above Korea.  It was cold which is a vast understatement.  It was maybe -14, -15 degrees C (6-8 degrees F) as the high!  And I spent many evenings outside after the sun was down (which happens around 5:00PM).  Of course Chicago gets that cold, but not for months on end.  Due to the cold, much of Harbin is covered under ice.  Snow falls, people walk on it, friction melts it, and then it freezes--well that's my explanation, that or Chinese are spitting everywhere and that's the ice.  Regardless of why, walking around was fun.  I managed to never fall all the way, but black ice was hard to miss.

So--why fly to this remote area? Oh, right, it's not remote because it's China and there are 10 million people there!  AND--Harbin's SNOW AND ICE FESTIVAL.  Every year around town ice and snow sculptures are made, the locals way to celebrate the descent into Siberian winter I guess.  Three parks with steep entrance fees showcased some of the best work.  The Snow and Ice main park contained ice sculptures that were at least 4 stories high.  And many ice building were climbable to the third story where slides awaited for easy transport down.  If you ever go, be sure to bring rain-pants as they make sliding down a fun ride.

I explored much of Harbin with Victor, an American from Beijing who's on his second working trip to China, and two Scottish girls: Susan and Sam.  Sam is teaching English in Suzhou, near Shanghai while her sister and mother were visiting from Scotland.  Meeting good company in a hostel is one of my favorite parts of traveling and why it can be so much fun to go alone.  Besides, who wants to drink alone in an ice bar?

In addition to the parks featuring frozen water, there was also a Siberian tiger reserve.  A Chinese reserve, so more like a big zoo.  Even one of the signs on the way there translated the Chinese into "zoo".  It was wonderful to see the tigers up close, but disheartening to see some of them in small cages.  Lincoln Park zoo's cages looked huge in comparison, but zoos are always a little sad.  The open habitats were large, but we bussed through it which was again, really cool, but yeah...just strange for a project that's trying to release the tigers into the wild.  And then, you could buy a live chicken and throw it into the cage!  Crazy!  Crazier still, I watched a blue truck drop a goat in a big habitat.  The goat looked terrified but the kind tigers quickly alleviated it of any worry.  Thank goodness I think tigers are awesome and care little for goats.  I saw one lion in a small cage as well, and of course, a few ligers.  We joked that the lion was Aslan from Narnia, imprisoned in his cage.

Of course, if Aslan was imprisoned, then the white queen is in power.  Judging by the freezing temperatures and ice palace like buildings, I saw this was the case.  So Narnia looks good frozen.  The last attraction to speak of was the river.  With the cold temperatures, it freezes and ice slides from the town rush down onto the surface.  Bumper cars, ice bikes (wheels with skates), go karts, ice skating, horse and carriage, and even a taxi cab were scattered around.  It was too much fun and our whole company became 5 years old again.  Victor and I crossed the river and I decided to take a funny picture by removing my shirts.  It was SO COLD and I lasted maybe two minutes.  Finally the sun set providing some wonderful photography over the icy river--not too bad for Valentine's Day on ice.

I feel in love on Valentine's day with the coolest music player ever.  Looking like a phonograph it could play records, CDs, DVDs, and had a USB input for iPod.  Only $2,000 US but Victor and I spent way to long enjoying it's beauty and sound quality.  It was a sad moment to leave it and yes, the idea of buying it and shipping home crossed our minds.

I got home safe and brought back a Russian flask and a minor cold.  It was good to travel again.  Sometimes I forget I can do this.  And guess what? People thought my Chinese was good? HA!  Not even close to the truth, but I guess confidence can go a long way.

Cheers

Chocolate Almond Chip

Last night was the end-of-the-year dinner for our staff in Chengdu.  We left work around 3pm and headed to the same reception site where Tina held her wedding.  I was seated at the head table with Lily Dai.  Eventually, the Chair of the Board arrived.  Her Chinese name always escapes my mind.  She happens to work very closely with the CEO in Shanghai.  Apparently in the business world, that makes her a big deal.  And yet I kept thinking how no one outside of our company knows who she is.  When she gave opening remarks (in Chinese of course), I kept trying to picture her as a kid.  It's a silly game, then again I'm a silly boy.

Regardless of my opinion (that she's a person like everyone else), she is important to many people in the room.  The HR man (who I'd never seen before--local Chinese HR) gathered many of my colleagues to the stage and they were all awarded for their hard work.  It was nice to see the company give back to so many of our best staff who work tirelessly.  Tina Lan, who I work closely with, was honored by having her mother deliver a speech to her!  Boy I wish I knew more in Chinese than food--but the look of Tina's face explained it all: embarrassed.  Her Mom was beaming the whole time.  Tina's apparently won best overall employee before, but still, she deserves it.  She's got passion for this and has helped me immensely as we've been steering the company in a brand new direction.

Then, to my surprise, the HR man came over to my table and asked Tingting if I had a Chinese name.  I don't.  Then Tingting said, oh yeah..."you're getting something too, you ready to speak?"  Whaaaaaat?  I'm kinda sick and tired of getting special treatment just because I'm a foreigner.  So the HR man said something in Chinese about one special employee who is different than all the others (I'm not Chinese) and blah blah blah Johnny.  Then, the Chair of the Board took the microphone.  I stood.  Tingting translated to me.  This is what I can remember:

Although this is only the third time we've met, I feel I know you.  Blah blah blah.  I'd heard a lot about you.  When ever there is a problem you fix it.  Whenever we need something, you try to get it done.  Blah blah blah, something about foreigners and things.  blah blah blah, good foreigner.  Blah blah blah.  Please accept this as a sign of our appreciation OR something like that.

So I went to the stage mumbled a "xie xie" (thank you).  And then spoke for maybe a minute from the heart, following the advice I had given Lily early;  advice given to me from the Maori in New Zealand.

I sat down and then I was nervous as I began to process all that just happened.  Her words were really nice and encouraging.  This job is ridiculous.  I've been pushed further than ever before.  I've broken down in safety of my bed room before going to work and after coming home.  Trying to help a company grow and see how they can approach everything in a different way is REALLY HARD.  Especially when that company is in a 5,000 year old culture.  I know that many of the counselors hold back things around me, trying to protect me from things due to my age--and that makes it even harder because I don't know what information I can trust.

And then.  Then there's this moment--where I'm standing in way too casual attire at a head table listening to a woman I don't really know praise me in front of the whole Chengdu company--and in this moment I smile.  At the time it felt like I was smiling because I was finally being recognized for the sometimes insane things I do for this job, but really I'm smiling and still smiling because I'm proud of myself.

I'm proud that I have made a difference.  I'm proud of my work here and I'm most proud that I'm smiling.  After returning home for that break, I wasn't sure I would be able to be this happy back here.  So New Zealand may have given me some great advice on speeches, fashion tips, and a fresh perspective on life but China's given me the greatest challenge so far by pushing me past what I thought were my limits.

Are you ready for this? I'm GLAD I stayed her for a second year.  Even if I doubted that decision as things became more and more tough.  When I doubted myself fully--well--you can't go any further.  So it seems I've turned around and am headed towards love.  Which was, funnily enough, one of my goals for the experience last year: to learn how to better love and accept myself.  Of course I forgot about it until now, but that's what makes this all the more special.

So do yourself a favor, go make some cookies.  I made chocolate almond chip cookies and they are delicious.  Even if you just have a toaster oven, you can make it work.  You can make it work with whatever you have, and by it, I mean life.

Love
Johnny

When the cookie crumbles...

Wow.  It's January 25th.  The last post I had was a positive resurgence after some troubling months.  I suppose this is another positive resurgence.  Resurgence: rising again into life.  Which of course means that there has been some falling out of life.  To me, this seems to be the norm for the 20s perhaps.  That navigation between graduating college and the first few steps in the "real world".  Granted college felt rather real.

I flew home for Christmas and New Year's.  Reuniting with loved ones was wonderful.  Being reminded of life possibilities was even more wonderful.  My friends are not all where they want to be, but then again, like me, are young.  However, many of them seemed to be taking bigger steps than I.  I'm proud of them all, even the undecided ones.  Leaving to return to Chengdu was surprisingly easy.

Once back, I informed my boss of my decision to not renew my contract next year.  After our meeting (she took the news very well), I was elated.  It felt easier to breathe because I knew and know that in 5 months, there's going to be a big change.  As to what that change will be? Hell if I know yet!

Unfortunately, life took that rise coldly and I found myself rather down due to my over-involvement in case of...let's call it...regrettable management.  Long story short: we lost a wonderful teacher.  And I re-learned a lesson I had forgotten from last year.  The event left me paused for a week both in thought and action.  I was not sure how to proceed.  What a shame!  I had just two weeks before pulled myself up and into a better place when my good spirits were again crushed.

In the moments of unchecked emotion, I found myself wondering as I do about the way of things.  They were bad, clearly.  But could I manage?  I wasn't sure so I dreamed about quitting.  But if I quit, then I'd return home dejected and bitter.  I'm sure I could count on some wonderful people back home to turn me around, but that's not what I want.  Staying here for second year was going to be harder than the first year.  I knew that when I agreed to stay. 

Let's me honest, I'm one tough cookie...sometimes!  And I'm not looking to evolve into a hardened soul, but I need some toughening up.  Of course, my job is not really "tough".  But this whole experience together is tough.  I didn't realize how hard this had been until I was flying home and had a moment to consider the life I was leading.  But the life I want to lead is tough too.  I have yet to figure out exactly what it will entail, but I like change.  I like improvement.  I like trying to make things better than I found them (with the understanding that I don't always know what is better from someone else's view).

So there I was last weekend.  Just rotting really in my doubts and indecision.  Wondering what I could do to make this experience feel more possible and try to turn this around.

So I bought a plane ticket.

Boom.  Elation.  I bought a plane ticket at 1:33AM Monday morning.  I should have been sleeping, but I was researching a plan.  No, I'm not going home.   I'm going to fly to Harbin over the Chinese New Year holiday.  I hear there's a large ice festival and Siberian tigers.  It's going to be super cold and I'm going on my own.  And I can't wait. 

But it gets better.  I really can't wait.  I really can't wait for my life to feel better so I'm proud to say this was a great week!  My Chinese lessons are a bit of fun on Sundays with my teacher.  We probably laugh more than learn but maybe that's what I need.  This past Monday I went to a KTV with some applications counselors from work.  I rocked Adele's "Rolling in the Deep" and a frustrating Monday was turned around.  This week I was allowed to screen Erin Brockovich and stand on a soap box at two schools explaining social responsibility.  I think I even got through to a kid or two.  I hope to continue such activities with the students.  Their Chinese education seems to take too much time, leaving them with no desire to do anything.  I think I can help.

Additionally, I've taken on a role as a guidance counselor of sorts.  One of the students I've met with has made a large improvement in his grades, motivation, and goals.  I have been meeting with him much.  Although teaching last year had it's fun moments, working with the kids who are struggling and helping them through is really hard to appropriately label with descriptive words.  "The best" is an understatement.

I can't wait for my life to feel better, so I'm done waiting.  I'm taking action.  Work will still pull at my emotions, office politics, company politics, petty arguments; but I think I can do it.  Just like Thomas, the tank engine.

Besides, as I remembered when chatting with a student yesterday, my blood type is B+.  So really, positivity is always in me.


Thanks to all the wonderful people in my life who encourage my idealism telling me I can fly and those other wonderful people who tell me if I fly I could fall.  It's a good balance.

Wishing you the best.  I think I need to go make some more cookies.

Title Change

Eat, Pray, Teach

That's what I set out to do.  I was inspired by the book Eat, Pray, Love, by Into The Wild, and a life-changing 4 1/2 months studying in New Zealand.  So I moved to China to follow my inspiration.  Those who have followed the past year (celebrated one year anniversary out of the states on Oct 1st) know all to well that much of this experience has been in direct conflict with that goal. 

On Eating

I have eaten more different animals here than I care to remember.  I have tasted such new and exciting flavors.  But also...I have moved downward in a way as I began treating food as fuel.  Much of the food here is similar to me now and thus the switch of my views on food followed.  After a summer in Nepal though, Chinese food once again became interesting.  I hope to keep it so in this second and final year in China and become even more adventurous.  Guess it means time to try chicken feet again...

On Praying

Surprisingly, I have engaged in more of this than I thought I would.  Not just praying for an uncrowded bus either.  I have had many moments in temples in Nepal and China.  Those quiet moments where you can reach deep within yourself and smile.  The love and kindness meditation I learned in a Tibetan monastery in NY has served me well and will continue to do so.  After my two weeks in a Nepalese monastery this summer, I now have prayer beads and the mantra "Om Mani Padme Hum" to use. 

On Teaching

Ooof.  This one was difficult.  I learned lots about teaching but am very hesitant to ever say I was a teacher.  That said, I will be teaching (or attempting to teach) some students for recruitment starting Wednesday.  A few of my students figured out their AP scores and told me.  One even got a 4!  But the rest is unknown for the moment, not that I have become Chinese and measure my work by student exam grades.  A few of them have friend-ed me on facebook and watching them struggle and succeed in their next chapter of life has been interesting.  A few are doing very well, the others update only in Chinese complaining about food and American life.  My goal was that my students would succeed but even in the classroom so many were closed off to new ideas.  Not the best state of mind to be in for 4 college years.

So there it is.  The update on 3 goals I set for myself during the year.  The blog title has changed to reflect what I am trying to do now: enjoy my life to the fullest.  Although I'm no longer a teacher, I still have much to teach these students of mine to help prepare them for overseas life so the old title could still work.  However, I'm big on reinvention, especially when the case of the blues is starting to settle in.

So what are the goals for this year?

(See next entry)

Mid Autumn Baked Goods

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival!  The festival day is actually Sunday this year, according to the Lunar calendar.  The festival, also known as the Moon Cake Festival, celebrates the moon and maybe some deity who used to live on it.  Always held on the 15th day of the 8th lunar month, this holiday is around 3,000 years old though an official holiday in P.R. of China for only a few years--giving everyone in China the excuse not to work for a day.

The holiday is celebrated by eating moon cakes, floating lanterns, and matchmaking...so it sounds like many other holidays with one big exception: moon cakes.  These colorful pastries with wild fillings are found everywhere this week.  My boss gave me a couple to take home last Friday and one week later; there are no survivors.  The fillings ranged from delicious coconut to ghastly!  I bit into one a few days ago and met with the unexpected flavor of the sea--fish!  As much as I tried to consume the cake, I gave up halfway through.  Which set up a quick trip to a Chinese bakery the next day quite well.

Chinese bakeries are to bakeries as chicken feet are to chicken wings.  Similar as they share a word "bakery" but completely different.  I'm a bakery guy.  The smell of fresh bread is one of the best scents in the world and brings me right back to farming days in upstate New York.  This smell does not exist in a Chinese bakery.  Because they don't really make bread...they think they make bread, but they are sadly mistaken.  Milk breads, steamed breads, coconut milk breads, and more kinds than I've ever seen...but not bread bread, or should I say to clarify: Western bread.  I should add though, that they also don't carry Tibetan bread which is quite hearty.  So why was I in this bakery?  Curiosity and a doughnut shape.

Nothing could prepare me for my tour around the shop resulting in my discovery of cuttlefish bread.  I think there was some vegetable involved as well.  First of all, cuttlefish?  We're in Chengdu--miles away from the ocean and besides that, who thinks of these pastry ideas?  Sometimes I think it's someone in China's job to just see Western things and try as hard as possible to do the exact opposite.  I think a french baguette and cuttlefish are a prime example of this theory, so now I submit this to you as fact.

I must say I left the bakery with my doughnuts and a large smile on my face.  This country is often too much for me, but that night it was just amusing.  Perhaps I'll get the courage to try the cuttlefish bread.  But as of yet...I think not.  Something about that fishy moon cake taste still lingering in my mind.


All in all, the moon cake festival is becoming a favorite of mine as many of the pastries I have bitten into have delicious fillings.  That and the fact that this festival is back-to-back with Oct 1, Chinese National Day which combined gives us 8 days off work.

Moon cakes are sure to be available at your local China town/neighborhood this week.  Though not sure about their bakery presence, as funnily enough, the Chinese bakery wasn't selling moon cakes...puzzling.  Enjoy the full moon this Saturday night and don't forget to release your floating lantern and try to find your friends their perfect match!

What a long strange trip it's been...

Wow.   My last post was in May, ages ago as it's almost October.  October 2nd is my one year anniversary outside of the United States and one year in Asia.  I say Asia, and not China, as I spent about 4.5 weeks in Nepal this summer.  Summer already feels like another lifetime, clearly...it's been too long.

I haven't blogged because there's been too much to say and also not enough to say.  Life is interesting, always interesting and sometimes really confusing.  My first post on this blog, many many months ago was about what I am doing in China.  Well looking back, I lied a bit.  I didn't know and guess what, I still don't.  Glad to clear the air on that one.  A good friend has suggested I be more honest with those folks back home.  Here goes nothing.

I am no longer teaching AP psychology and now wear the title of "senior college counselor".  I am not entirely sure what it means, but now work in three Chinese high schools in Chengdu, doing my best to help kids figure out what they want in terms of higher education.  But really, it's helping them figure out who they are.  And when I write it like that, I feel good.  And when I feel good I sing.  Totally stole those lyrics from Jason Mraz, but also very true in my life.

The three schools: Shishi (A-Level), Shude (AP), and Chengwai (AP) will keep me plenty busy.  But unlike last year, I come home with no work to do.  A rule I hope to keep.  Sometimes someone will e-mail me after 6...and now I just let it go until 9 AM the next day.  It's part of my "this year will be better".  But will it?  I'm writing this almost 6 weeks after coming back--so clearly things haven't been going my way.

I've been upset about staying, upset about being here and just plain upset.  This experience, which I haven't often spoke of like this before, is really really really really really difficult.  Like super difficult.  Like what the hell am I doing in China difficult.  It's not just a language barrier, it's a culture barrier.  It's sometimes the little things of getting upset at Chinese etiquette on buses or bigger things like asking dangerously big questions to an empty room.  It's also the empty room.

I have a weekend roommate, Lynette, in our new place downtown.  Spent last weekend finally making it feel more like home, which for anyone that's ever lived with me knows means putting shit on walls.  I strung some white Christmas lights around the window and dining area, put up large black construction paper to become a photo wall, and, of course, strung up Tibetan prayer flags (mostly contained in my room).  Too many trips to IKEA and too much money spent resulted in some extra furniture to help the small kitchen function and my mind feel more sane.  That expression "life simply so that others may simply live" sometimes haunts me truthfully.  However, if I can make this home a safe haven from all of it--a retreat to return to and relax, then I think having a better year will be far easier achieved.  I feel better when where I live feels like a home.  Which yes, truthfully, involves other people and not heartless IKEA furniture. 

Jerry came over last night to pick me up and try to de-hermit me and was nice enough to comment that I'm a good at this--this being making bland apartment's into Johnny's home.  It's a skill I picked up in my Freshmen dorm room when I dared to put blue painter's tape on the wall.  Perhaps it's my form of OCD--controlling my home environment when the rest of life feels so out of control.  But once it is done, I sleep better, I breath better, I smile more while home.  Because I'm home and not living in an apartment in Chengdu that has cockroaches, even if this home does have cockroaches.  Meh.

The hermit-ing was more a side effect of a run in with glandular fever (mono) that knocked me off my feet for two weeks, even though I made it to HK for a quick business trip.  A friend from the UK Steve, who I met in the summer from Nepal, was visiting when the mono struck.  But it hit hard after a day that started with viewing the Chengdu pandas being so active.  They played King-of-the-hill, adorable style as well, they're freakin' pandas! 

I hope to take Chinese classes, but I've been saying that since back from Nepal.  But with the stress of returning to work (and China) and mono, it hasn't happened yet.  I think it will after the holiday, for this Sunday starts 8 days of holiday.  Between the mono, the stress, and a visa renewal my plan to try and see Mongolia fell apart.  Perhaps it's okay, as I'm still getting over the mono and am supposed to "take it easy" whatever that means.

So conclusion: life is okay.  It's not great, this isn't always where I want to be.  But hey, if I can do this, the making this year a better year thing, then I can do it anywhere.  Really though, I hope to use this year to figure out next year.  I'm still no closer to a goal of sorts and from watching friends I see how important having a goal is--really gives one a sense of direction.  It's going to be a journey this year, that's for sure.  Last year was so busy that I didn't have the time to think it felt and when I did think it was often exhausted negative thoughts about China.  But I can do better, I can always be better.  Because I can learn, right?  Isn't that's what liberal arts colleges are for? To teach us how to learn. 

Oh and, I learned that when it's your year (like how it's my dragon year currently) it's not a lucky thing.  You are supposed to wear red to bring luck because actually, it's a HARD YEAR -- supposed to test you.  So watch out everyone for the years you're turning 12, 24, 36, 48, 60, 72, and beyond.  Then again, not everyone moves to China to turn 24.  Silly me I suppose, but hey, right now I feel good.  I'm home, I'm comfortable, I ate a reheated dinner that I cooked yesterday, and was able to find the health care I needed for mono--so all things considered, I'm good, really good in comparison to the quality of life I saw this summer in Nepal.  Then again, the Nepalese seemed to smile much more than any other people I've met.  A price of the 1st world lifestyle I suppose.

So this is me, honestly, and this is my second year.  Now join me and test me and help keep me honest as I battle self-doubts, fears, and whatever else comes my way as I try to make this the best year yet.  And finally I leave you with a quote that a friend of mine once posted to Facebook from, I think he said, an Indian proverb or saying:

Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.

Xie xie for Xi'an

Xi'an!!!!!

So two weekends ago, I headed to Xi'an with a surprise trip thanks to a thankful parent (flights not included) with Steve, Charles, Dave, Sainan, Q, and Paul.  It was just wanted I needed: a weekend of travel with almost not hassle as everything was planned for us.  I mean, sure our flights were delayed both times, but hey--it's China and flights are usually delayed it seems.

Saturday started off right with Jessica, our tour guide, greeting us warmly and within 10 minutes of our trip calling me out as a lesbian inside a man's body...I guess I need to hide that part of me better; too obvious.  Her sense of humor was stupendous.  She's a counselor at Dipont in Xi'an and has experience as a tour guide.

We went to the famed Xi'an Terracotta warriors -- a truly interesting place.  6,000 plus life-sized warriors found only in the past 40 years (or so) from the first Emperor of China's tomb.  They were all smashed but have been restored, or are in the process I should say.  With Steve's help, I was working on learning the skill of "blur" photography which is my high-tech name for focuses on something in the foreground and blurring out the background.  Apparently a telephoto lens makes a good difference, but my 30x zoom and tiny knowledge of F-stops and shutter speed (thanks to Steve) helped me practice a very different kind of "point-and-shoot".

After a delicious feast which included orange juice marinated wax gourd (delicious), we were free to wander the Muslin quarter of Xi'an where Steve and I spend far too much time taking pictures, attempting to buy some things, and making trouble with the locals.  "If you don't have interest, WHY YOU ASK HOW MUCH?"  She says walking after us....woops.

The following day was one of the highlights of my time here: up early eating Dunkin Donuts!!! That's right, I'd flown to the source of awesomeness--but don't worry that's not really the highlight.  The highlight: cycling on Xi'an's wall.  It surrounds the entire downtown and we were lucky enough to cycle around the whole thing, which took about an hour and a half -- lots of good things to take pictures off.  If the view wasn't exhilarating enough, trying to bike on an old wall was plenty exciting with all the bumps.

It was a wonderful weekend full of laughter and has started a trend of a upward motion I think.

Explore. Dream. Discover

Thank you.  Thank you to Mr. Robertson for inviting me to speak on this momentous occasion of graduation.  Believe it or not, you are all graduating today.  But what does that mean…to graduate?  Are you going to wake up tomorrow a different person?  Are you suddenly going to feel fully prepared for life after high school?  It’s possible, but unlikely.  Today marks not only the end of high school, but also the beginning.  What is it the beginning of? Well, that is, ultimately, up to you.  Our job, as your teachers, counselors, and parents has been to prepare you for this moment.  From here, it’s your job to pick your own moments and to prepare yourself for them.  Like any cautious new parent, I, as a new teacher, can’t just let you, my first class, leave here without one last lesson.  I’ll do my best to avoid my dear subject of psychology, but I make no promises.

At my high school graduation, just five years ago, all I could think about was summer break as I waited impatiently for my name to be called.  Graduation felt like just another day.  It was my mother who helped me see the gravity of my situation.  I’ll never forget her words to me on the way home, diploma in hand.  “Son, you know what this means, right…?”  And before I could find my voice, she answered her own question: “…it means…you have to do your own laundry now!”  And she laughed!  With thoughts of college and an uncertain future in my head, my mom was laughing with delight about the end of her role.  She was right, of course.   Unlike all of you, I was moving out of my home for the first time after that summer, and a big part of college, and life, is independence, from doing your own laundry to running your own life.  But guess what? A bigger piece of life is how many people help each of us become independent: our parents, teachers, friends, and even strangers sometimes.  Thus, the first lesson for today is to practice gratitude. Acknowledge those that have helped you get this far.  Thank your parents, thank your teachers, thank your friends, and thank yourselves.  Always remember that a thank you goes a very long way. And yes, psychologically speaking, gratitude does increase mental wellbeing (sorry, I couldn’t resist).  Practice gratitude.

If my Mom had instead told me that I would be giving a speech in China to a graduating class in five years on the way home from my graduation, I would have been understandably confused.  I’d never even done my own laundry—how could I ever hope to be in China living independently?  But that’s the thing about life—we never are fully certain of where we will be heading.  The Wojciks do not have an international reputation, and I’m the first one in my family to work abroad.  Choosing to do the novel; the new; the exciting is what sets us all apart.  Your choice of studying in the United States is a brave one, and is a first.  Even if you’re not the first one in your extended family to study abroad, this will be your first time studying at that school in that place.  Thus, the second lesson of today: never be afraid of firsts.  Don’t be afraid to keep pushing boundaries.  No, Senior 3s, I don’t mean the boundaries of school rules or regulations, which we know you’re good at pushing and hoping over.  No, I speak of your own boundaries.  Push your own limits: take college courses you’ve never heard of, make friends with people from different backgrounds, join new activities, try scary American food!  Challenge yourself: what other firsts will you experience?  What new things will you try in this life?

In just a few short months, you will be boarding a plane and leaving almost everything you know behind.  Your first week of college will be a blur; new friends, a new environment.  Then classes will begin and before you know it, you’ll have finished your first of eight semesters and survived your first round of college finals.  You have four years to learn about subjects and, more importantly, about yourselves.  Four years to take note of who you are becoming.  Four years to experience new moments of life with like-minded people.  And then, the four years are over and you’ll be graduating again; though it will be a very different you then who I see before me now.  And someone else will be up here speaking, urging you to make the most of your life.   Time moves faster next year.  This faster pace seems to only quicken once you graduate college.  Thus, the last lesson: time moves fast, enjoy each moment.  Enjoy the thrills, the fears, the joys, and the sorrows, for all will be found in a life worth living.  Life is also messy, frustrating, and, sometimes, disappointing.  But no matter what, remember: life is beautiful.  There are countless moments that will amaze you and make you gracious to be alive.  And if that fails, then remember your psychology: our brain is wired to remember positively – so with a bit of time, what bothers you now, won’t bother you later.  We adapt.

Speaking of time, our time is finally up.  It’s time for us, your educators, to give up our roles with you.  Now if I take your phone, I’m no longer enforcing discipline – I’m stealing.  You’re finally free. I hope that you take the good from this experience and carry it with you.  Be it a good moment finally grasping a concept in calculus with Mr. Varga or laughing at the absurdity of Mr. Gregory’s booming voice; there have been good moments here.  Maybe this one counts as well.

To end: a quote, a personal favorite from Mark Twain, “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.  So throw off the bowlines.  Sail away from the safe harbor.  Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, dream, discover.”  Class of 2012, practice gratitude, never be afraid of firsts, and enjoy each moment of your life.  This is your moment; savor it.  Congratulations and good luck next year.

Li River and More!

Meet Jane.

Jane, a good friend of Cynthia's, has been here for almost 4 weeks (which sadly means she will be leaving soon).  I met Jane in my apartment weeks ago.  We made chocolate chip cookies and blasted music.  She's a cool girl.

She wanted to see the Buddha so we went together 2 weeks ago and found the Buddha in sunshine--a real treat.  But the highlight of our one day excursion was a moment of silence a top a monastery that felt so authentic, that I actually decided I would light my first prayer candle in China.  Later on, before our bus back to Chengdu from Leshan, we went to eat some Chinese food at a place with no English/picture menu and were successful in getting food!  Jane, like myself, has been taking Chinese lessons from Lynette.  I started in mid-March and feel like punching myself in the face as I really should have started in October.  I know I didn't start because I felt so stressed with trying to teach for the first time...oh well, live and learn.

Cynthia and Jane headed to Xi'an to see the ancient city one weekend and I stayed in Chengdu, booking our next trip to the Li River.  After successful bookings, I headed over to Ryan's place for a 17th floor rooftop South African braai (BBQ).  The food was delicious and the company were all teachers from the three centers and some Chinese staff.  It was a sunny day and from the rooftop, Chengdu looked...beautiful? (Actually, it's been sunny quite frequently of late; well frequently for Chengdu).  Leon, Alissa, Steve, and I played some rooftop badminton, only losing a few shuttlecocks off the top.

A week later, after the Buddha trip, Cynthia, Jane, and I headed to the airport.  We touched down in Guilin where I bounded out to the lobby waiting to see the sign with my name on it.  But alas, I couldn't find "Johnny" anywhere.  Finally I turned around a disgruntled man was holding up "Johnny".  My excitement at this didn't seem to make sense to him...or Cynthia and Jane.

The trip from the airport was AWESOME.  After a few minutes, large giants were viewable from our windows.  Eventually they were all around us -- finally I was in the land of karst landscapes!  Karst is a formation of bedrock that varies in many ways--but China has some of the most dramatic formations weathered by time.

The next day, we were up and going (sadly without NZ 'Up & Go's) after a quick breakfast at our hostel.  A bus ride later we were boarding a boat on the famous Li River.  The plan: to cruise down to Yangshuo, 70km down the river, passing some very dramatic Karst mountains (Karst is not a proper noun, but trust me, it should always be capitalized for emphasis).

What was visible by night was SO COOL by day.  Cliffs, waterfalls, and sweet green slopes guarded the banks of the Li River.  Needless to say, I'm came back with over 800 photos.  The sky was BLUE, the water a brownish yellow due to rainy season, but it was all good.

We disembarked inYangshuo, what once was a small town, not a bit larger with tourism.  It had grown fast in the past few years due to the attention from Han Chinese, as was previously a paradise away from Guilin for foreigners.  Large karsts surround and intrude throughout the city.  Walking around through the carless alleyways was wonderful.  Eventually our wanderings found us climbing up a small Karst and then up another one!  Great views of the city and larger Karts were our rewards for sweeting up stairs -- it was hot and very humid.

Later, after a nice dinner with a girl from Israel and Pris, or Pricilla, from Hong Kong, Cynthia, Jane, Mary, a French girl wet on the cruise, and I set out to see cormorant fishing.  Cormorant fishing is an ancient practice and from the clip I saw via BBC, I was determined to go watch.  But since the influx of tourism, it seems the practice has changed and was rushed and not well done.  Tourists use to board small boats with the fisherman and his flock of birds.  We were on a fairly large boat.  The birds dove time and time again into the water, eating most of the fish they caught, except the large ones.  A thin string tied around the birds neck prevents the swallowing of bigger fish.  In the BBC clip, it showed the birds returning to the boat and willfully giving up the fish – knowing they’d be rewarded.  In our trip, I watched a fisherman yank out a fish from a choking bird.  It was still neat to know that this harmonious practice exits, but I’d much rather see it a different way (where it actually looks harmonious).

That night, we took Yangshuo by storm starting out at a lovely rooftop bar where we all realized our inability to play pool.  From there we figured out, after a bit of food and some more drink, that it was our responsibility to take each bar by storm, get people dancing, and then promptly leave.  Something about a stripper pole, and then the night was over, after I managed to bang my leg on a fall from a stage.

We left Yangshuo early the next day by bus towards a river in the mountains.  We were to go drifting.  Which is like white water rafting, but without paddles, and the river is made to be super-navigable.  Jane and I climbed into our raft and after waiting in a queue with all the other boats, we were realized down a damn spill way into the river!  I snuck on my waterproof camera, which proved to be a great idea as I attempted to document our ridiculous hour and half journey down the river.

We all agreed it was the best fun we’d had in weeks, if not months.

Back in Yangshuo after a beautiful bus trip through rice paddies that I slept through, we hung out for a bit longer that expected with no buses back to Guilin for a few hours.

In Guilin, we got back to our first hostel and set out to walk around Guilin’s twin pagodas before some restless sleep with a bed bug scare.

Morning arrived finally and, with four other teachers, we found ourselves headed to a minority village.  At the village we viewed the “Long Hair Show” as the women of the village cut their hair once at 18.  They wore it in three different styles depending on their status in life: single, married, or married with child – using their hair that they cut at 18.  They wash their hair with the water used to wash rice, which results in super black hair.  It was interesting, but not the best show I’ve seen.  Lunch afterwards was a bit on the too much fish side with whole river fish fried.

Finally, the main attraction of the day, rice terraces!  We climbed and climbed through some mountains that reminded me of New Zealand and hiked/walked around some terraces.  We were a bit too early for the planting at this altitude, but the terraces were still beautiful.  Carved out thousands of years ago, I couldn’t help but think “ChinaChinaChina”. 

It was a really nice trip, but its fast pace, after life in sleep Chengdu, caught me by surprise.  Thank goodness we returned to a two-day week.

On the weekend, Jane and I explored Wenshu monastery, admission only 5 yuan, which felt very authentic.  Between that and seeing the Li River Kart landscape and rice terraces, I was in a very mixed mood.  I’d finally seen some of the things I came here to see and since AP Psychology, my job energy has just fallen.  Could it be time to go home?

But then I look at the map of China and there’s SO MUCH TO SEE!  This country is officially TOO big.  But, hey, I could always come back.

Class Dismissed

AP Psychology is over.  I have to the best of my ability attempted to teach 31 students psychology as well as an interest for it.  These students don't know this.  Most of them lost interest as second semester seniors.  Some of them turned to their review book in place my teaching.  But, like an energizer bunny, I kept going.

I tightened discipline. I loosened discipline. I included relevant examples. I switched examples mid-sentence when realizing students weren't getting it. I scoured for youtube clips. I graded. I complained about grading. I tried to make disinterested kids learn. I tried to help stressed students calm down.  I tried to hard on some things.  I didn't try hard enough on others.  I let their disinterest get to me.  I recharged on weekends.  I fought.  Students opened up to me.  Students started trusting me.  Some students started to resent me.  I caught myself resenting students.  I beat myself up for their disinterest.  I learned to let go of their responsibility to learn.  I joked with them.  I acted in front of them.  I worked for them.  Some worked for me.  I got bored.  I got too excited to sleep.  I couldn't wait for class to end.  The bell usually came too early.  I was nervous with detailed plans.  I am confident with no plan.  I talked to students after class.  Students talked to me after class.  I wasn't a teacher.  I was a teacher.   Am I a teacher?

Since October 8th (or there abouts) I have been teaching AP Psychology, a subject that is a bit boring, but does contain some wonderful knowledge.  It was a struggle.  Some days were wonderful, others were far less than.  All-in-all, I somehow guided the students over each chapter of the book.  More important to me, I was able to discuss about some things far more important than the book's contents.

I hope what I have done in the classroom has been helpful to these kids bound for the US next year.  I know many of them did not understand much of what I said, so I hope that they do in time.

For me, much of what teachers have said haunts me later with those awful "ah-ha" moments: awful only because if I had only listened then...you get it.  This task of teaching has made me super appreciative for my teachers and all teachers.  It's a tough job.  There's no bonus if the kids learn well except for personal satisfaction and maybe, just maybe, a thank you note--thus you really have to give it your all to pull it off.

Teaching really is one big performance.  And like any self-conscious actor, I wish I had had more practice before it went live.

The AP Exam is Monday at 1:00PM.  Fingers crossed for their study habits.  And if teachers get this nervous/excited about their students growing up and learning to work on their own, I don't know how anyone handles being a parent.  When I confiscate a student's cell phone, I get to go home and not share the same house with them!

So to teachers out there everywhere: I thank you.  Thank you for not giving up, thanks for staying after school and being late for dinner with friends, thanks for making your job a big part of yourself and sharing yourself with your students.

Xie xie!

Life's a Box of Donuts

This is a story of adventure, this is a story of loss, this is a story of love...for donuts.

I have loved donuts since that first donut I ate, which I’d like to say was a Long John probably around the age where it’s closeness to my name made it all the better.  Of course, I made that up, but the point is: donuts are delicious.

In high school, the time where I learned that I had a bit more control over my actions found me behind the wheel of a car headed to Dunkin Donuts on the way to friends late at night every few weeks.  Nighttime was key, especially the time when the workers magically transform your humble request for six donuts into 2 dozen thirty minutes before closing.

Living with four great friends senior year of college found me getting donuts when the task of whipping of French toast seemed like too much work.

But lately, my access to proper donuts has been nil.  Oh China, how you don’t really understand the world of baked/fried goods.  Sure, no one will fight your corner on the stir-fry or the sustainable way you eat so many parts of animals.  But China, I have to be honest with you, what you call donuts—not so great.

On Christmas, I found myself walking out of a Malaysian chain grocery with a sugar donut—the first decent one I had found.  In Hong Kong, I excitedly bought a donut to find it stuffed with red bean paste; bu yao.  So after years (and by years I mean two) of making cookies and cakes, I started watching Youtube recipes for Donuts.  Boy did it look easy!  “What had I never tried this before?”.  Sure frying can be dangerous, so I looked up baked donuts.

Excited, I bounced home, beaming that same smile I wore as a 5-year-old when genius ideas struck—cute, but I suspect always a bit unnerving for my parents. I watched an Aussie make baked donuts and I started mixing ingredients together.  During the 30 min chill time, I went for a run drooling over the though of homemade donuts.  I came back, opened the fridge, and took out the dough.

The dough, which smelled like vanilla and happiness, was quite sticky.  “All right,” I said.  I wasn’t about to give up.  I floured the counter and began to role out dough with parchment paper.  It stuck to the paper.  The dough stuck to parchment paper to the degree that the paper ripped and some of the dough ended up in the trash refusing to release itself from the paper.  I added more flour and the dough seemed better at first, and then returned to the degree of stickiness that bad bakers find in some strange circle of hell.

Frustrated, I washed my hands, leaving much dough glued on to my arm hair and texted Cynthia, a good friend.  She responded, but by this time I was again covered in dough.  Using my rather prominent nose, I dialed her.

“What do you mean extra flour can make things sticky?” I said, bent over a sticky mess.  Remembering recipes where one adds flour until desired consistency (for Giant Cinnamon rolls, etc.), I was not aware of this other property of flour.

But I was determined to make something!  I rolled out the dough with a wine bottle and found some circular objects in my house in true block-party-scavenger-hunt style.  I cut some shapes, though the dough still didn’t want to cooperate.  Eventually I had some strange shapes of dough on a tray in a toaster oven.  Some rolled by hand into circles, some cut, and some donut “holes”.

The oven smelled like a carnival—the unmistakable smell of funnel cakes filled the kitchen.  But when I checked on the donuts, they looked nothing like donuts.  They didn’t brown, they rose strangely, but they did smell wonderful.  I decided to try to fry the rest of the dough.

I filled a saucepan with some oil and dropped some dough in.  Some of them just soaked up oil, some browned.  Trying to save my project turned nightmare, I filled a Ziploc bag with cinnamon and sugar and tossed the fried pieces of dough inside, shaking them vigorously.

Eventually, it was over.  What did I have to show for all my effort, excitement, and frustration?  Baked scones, fried cinna-sugga strangeness, and an hour of scrubbing a countertop to rid my home of evidence of this travesty.  The scones were quite good, dense and light with a great flavor.  But a scone, no matter how nice, is not a donut and never will be.

A few weeks passed and something wonderful happened.  I received a text from Cynthia who found herself and her good friend Jane in Xi’an.  They had found a treasure of treasures: a Dunkin Donuts!  After traveling 712 km via plane, two glazed donuts sat in a Dunkin Donuts bag on my desk at work.

If you’ve seen the movie The Pursuit of Happiness you’ll know what kind of reaction happened—that kind of, let’s go outside and clap my hands and ooze joy for the world to see.  I didn’t know what to do with myself!  After unwrapping the first donut, my eyes widened.  The donut was gone before I had even sung it all the praises I had prepared.  Something’s never change.

Maybe I should be a cop.

Taking Care of Business

Last weekend (which is actually three weekends ago though that doesn’t ring true with teaching on Saturday and Sunday of this past weekend) Cynthia and I went to Beijing for a conference on highly effective teaching.  We left a day earlier to give us a chance to see some sights.  Our plane touched down Saturday afternoon to bluer than blue skies, a rarity in such a pollution-heavy metropolis.

Our first stop: the Forbidden City – the well-known palace of Imperial China moved to Beijing from further South to better rule the tough border with Mongolia.  The palace closes at 3:00pm in low-tourist season and we arrived around 3:35.  Thus, the Forbidden City will remain just that: forbidden.  We were able to walk through two entrances to the South Gate of the palace, the gate that faces Tiananmen Square.  The golden accented roofs atop the red walls gleamed in the sunshine.  No matter how much I pleaded, Mulan would not open the door for me, leaving me quite upset.

We trekked from the palace gate, back to the subway – an impossibly stuffed train.  We found our destination, a backpacker’s, in a “historic neighborhood.”  Zoning laws kept the buildings short and the streets narrow.  The backpacker’s runs trips to the Great Wall, so we paid our dues for the following morning, and then explored the streets on our of way to the hotel.

Exhausted, I found my bed after getting off at the wrong subway stop, having not-so-delicious pizza hut, and shopping for some supplies for our hike.

Sunday found me on my way to the Great Wall in a white van stuffed with laowai!  We all got to chatting immediately; a favorite part of traveling.  After a 3-hour ride, we arrived.  A quick (10 min) climb up some stairs, of course, got me onto the Great Wall! The Great Wall of China…I couldn’t believe it. The section I hiked, Jinshanling, did not look like the white/grey wall often depicted in pictures.  This section was stone, but browner and the lack of contrast in much of the landscape didn’t help it stand out.  The real attraction though was the 2^nd half or so of the hike, where the wall was fully unrestored.   Parts of the wall had no sides along the top and other parts climbed steeply with many broken stairs.  It had snowed the week before and traces of ice/snow were around.  The usual walk goes a bit further, but the next section of the wall was closed so we had to end a bit early.

Along the way, I got to talking and joking with many in our party.  Everyone seemed to be in good spirits—and how could they not be?  It was a gorgeous no-cloud-blue-sky day and we were walking along the Great Wall.  The end came too soon, and I had only snapped a couple pictures (you know, less than one hundred—which is just a couple).  Our guide, Emily –from the backpackers–, encouraged a fast pace which felt a bit rushed.  I took a moment at the end of the wall to pass out some Timtams (NZ cookies found at Carrefour in Beijing) to some of the group and after everyone went down, I took my Great Wall moment and just starred at it, and the mountains behind in the distance.

We returned to the backpackers where Cynthia and I decided to grab a beer with a couple we had met and two other guys.  The couple, from Holland, were wonderfully engaging; she a child psychologist and him an architect. Peking Duck was on everyone’s mind so together with an additional American traveler, we set out to find a place.  Well we found a place, and a backroom table, and even duck—though it wasn’t Peking duck.  Dinner was ridiculous—full of laughter between, what felt like, old friends.  I crack up even thinking about it.

Afterwards, Cynthia and I train-ed to the closed Tiananmen square and then back to our hotel; I’m just not great at seeing that palace area!

Monday, after an interesting breakfast, we met the other teachers and walked to one of the Dipont schools in Beijing for the conference.  It was were nice to hear the experiences of other teachers, though the AQM (academic quality manager) seemed to rush through some discussion points raised that may have been helpful to fully discuss.

Monday evening, Cynthia, Peter, Michael, and myself found Peking duck and more at a restaurant close to the school.  Good company and delicious duck, duck sauce, pancakes and more!  The wasabi cabbage rolls however, proved too much.  The first one I ate, smothered in Chinese wasabi opened up my sinuses in a whole new way---while the second went right to the stomach.  Peter had the sort of stories I hope to have when I’m close to 60 and Michael will be teaching AP Psychology next year in his center.

I returned to the hotel and watched some television in English—a real treat and then slept.

After a morning conference on Tuesday, Ryan, Cynthia, and I found a cab and headed to Tiananmen Square en route to the airport.  Ryan, and his wife Elizabeth, both teach at the A-level (British system) school in Chengdu.  His Chinese was good enough to have us pay the driver a bit extra for him to wait while Cynthia and I rushed around the world’s largest square!  Finally, I got in and walked a fast circle and left.  It is a large square, which about sums it up for me.

On the plane ride back, Ryan entertained us with stories and videos of his travels in China; he’s a bit of a goof.  Made it back home and made sure I was ready for 5 more workdays, as the upcoming holiday meant we had to have a 7-day work week?  China doesn’t seem to fully understand the point of time off, but I do, which is why I was heading to Sanya in Hainan, China’s southernmost province in 5 days for a quick 3-night trip.

Beijing seemed nice, but the 4 days of super-blue sky did not properly represent the city’s image.  I’ve since heard that some schools have indoor recess some days, when the pollution is too high.  That alone, is enough to make me quite hesitant to return to Beijing.

My first business trip was a success, though I lack a good business trip demeanor.  Guess I’m still a kid, which is fine by me.