This is water.
The name of a Youtube video that rings with such overpowering truth I was moved to strange watery-eyed laughter. I have strange emotions, but I bet you do too.
This is Water by David Foster Wallace
Longer version 22 Minutes: Full Speech (no vid) -- better I think, but longer!
Click on that link and enjoy it--only ten minutes and you might find afterwards you'll have that moment of stillness in that typical 24/7 routine life you lead.
The video is a piece from a commencement speech. I watch too many of these, but am constantly trying to re-inspire myself as often I find myself in uninspiring situations. Well, because, among other things, I graduated. I live in a world where people work for their life, instead of a world where people worked for intellectual curiosity or for, dare I say, fun. (Of course, this is an over-simplification. College friends would remind me of my not-so-great days in college and my complaining about the pointlessness of papers and the like. And of course, this new world can also be fun and intellectual stimulating.)
When I was a kid, I remember my Dad got angry while driving at the other drivers. We were on our way to soccer practice/game or some similar Johnny-centered activity I think. Thus, I felt a little bad that he was upset at other cars. So to calm him down, I told him that...maybe those drivers, the ones cutting us off, are going to a wedding. He looked at me strangely. Maybe one's the bride or groom? He laughed.
This memory is perhaps 80% fake--the validity of memory is poor--but I do remember my Dad telling me about this instance once when I was older. It seemed I had this ability to just distance feelings of frustration in the world by thinking. Thinking was my tool to use for my benefit and the benefit of others; help everyone keep calm. To this day, I still often point out such things to friends and, of course, myself. And have also learned that everyone has this ability!
But watching this video was POWERFUL today because, well, I've sucked at this since graduating! Narcissism really refers to an over-inflated sense of self masking a large insecurity, or so it is defined in psychology. But we're not all narcissistic--it's prevalence is low! However, we all have a tendency to consider our thoughts, our feelings, our needs as more important that everyone else's. (Which if you think about it makes a whole lot of sense because our thoughts, feelings, and needs are the only ones we actually know firsthand.) Thus, this video (which you really have to watch to understand this post) shows us how dumb we can all be running last-minute errands with our self-obsessed minds.
This video was POWERFUL because today I was sending money home. Which is a complicated process in China due to Chinese laws and due to Chinese bank employees lack of understanding of this complicated process. Long story short it worked and I walked away relived. But during the process, the bank gave me wrong information about numbers and codes I using. I did not know this was wrong information but was surprised as it countered the numbers and codes I had with me. My Chinese colleagues sided with the bank, though they know little about overseas transfers having never lived overseas. The bank found a solution, but at a cost of much arguing and time spent to the point that the security guard started insulting our party for taking too long. Which of course got me thinking, you mother f---ker (silently in my head) as I came super prepared but your bank employees don't know their job.
It became and I versus the world situation--overly dramatized in the retelling of course. And this task is really very simple it seems in the scheme of things. So, when I got home from work, I spoke with my bank and was assured I used all the right numbers. I even looked up the information about the codes and numbers and was able to find, from a credible source, that the information the bank had is simply outdated--which is funny considering last year I did this with much more ease.
But these "I vs. world" situations ARE manifestations of my mind. Of course it doesn't help that my Chinese skills are poor. It doesn't help that my colleagues can understand the bankers better than me. It doesn't help that I moved to China post graduating to learn about that adult life routine in a country that seems to assume I'm stupid or wrong, just because I can't communicate as well. Even my Chinese friends take extra convincing sometimes on information that expats accept without question. It's puzzling.
So this video. The first 3 minutes when he describes the daily routine with the going to the grocery store made me think. I laughed SO HARD watching this bit, not just because of the universal appeal, but because of my own experiences here and those of other foreigners.
'Like, so there's no food in your fridge. So you go to the store to get some. You forgot to weigh your food though, so the cashier takes it away from you. You protest, but no, you forgot to follow the system so no fruit or veggies for you. Unless you want to go back into the store and try again after waiting 10 minutes in a long long line.'
'Or--so there's no food in your fridge. So you go to a local place for dinner, trying to cheer yourself up but they changed the menu format you had memorized and you know some of the characters but not enough and you falter and just feel so stupid. Why can't I learn this language? Why can't I have EXTRA energy after the exhausting day to learn? If I could just eat fast then I'd have more TIME?'
'Or --so there's no food in your fridge but you want Western food. So you take a bus or a metro, or two buses and a metro to far away places that you haven't fully learned to navigate and spend a fortune on food that you'll be too tired to cook by the time your odyssey is over and your home.'
'Or--I'm late to work and I'm racing to the metro to find the entrance is missing because they tore it down over the weekend and now have to find another entrance and miss it because it's not marked but find it eventually and somehow, for some reason, blame all of CHINA for this...not a great way to start a day'
The daily grind is HILARIOUS in some respects. On my good humored days, Chengdu is a laughable challenge full of inquisitive children and adults who point, wave, and want to take a picture with you. Sometimes you don't get what you ordered. Sometimes the staff doesn't understand the Chinese you can speak. But you laugh it off and move on; life is too short to let this silliness under your skin.
On my bad humored day, Chengdu is something else. It's like you can't go outside without someone laughing at you, pointing at you, and constantly reminding you that YOU ARE NOT FROM HERE. YOU WILL NEVER FIT IT. YOU ARE 'LAO WAI'. And then the order's wrong and your not amused and the waitress really doesn't understand what you said to her last week this week? SERIOUSLY? And you suddenly have become afraid of new things and new bus routes and new areas to get to for a fear of getting lost; even though you are conscious that this was once ALL new and you've learned so much. And you're afraid of speaking the worlds that 90% of people understand because of the 10% that won't be patient and try to follow your Chinese.
Now, I have two months left here under contract. Two months left after 19 months here. Recently I was caught in a downhill spiral of bedbugs, stomach bugs, and many many no-good-really-bad-days. I meditated on quotes in my room. I went for walks. I read travel books. I tried many more things to get re-inspired with no such luck. That is, until the video.
The video showed me that the daily grind is challenging for EVERYONE. Yes, I do feel, in my me-centered thinking, that there are extra challenges here like communicating. But this daily grind is apart of too many of our lives; my friends' lives. And it doesn't have to be. If we can just all remember that we are lucky. We can think. We can think our way to positivity, neutrality, and negativity.
How many studies have I read about the power of positive thinking? How DAY A and DAY B are the same day, but person A and person B just had different moods. And yet, just as Wallace says in his speech, sometimes you can't think yourself out. Some days we WILL get frustrated. My Dad or I will yell at that driver or banker. But the more time I spend out of college, the more I feel the world IS what you make it. It looks the way YOU want it too. You can't change how it works but you CAN change how it effects YOU. (Though I do intend to change parts of how it works and you're welcome to join me!)
P.S. My best advice on this: don't tell your overly stressed-out friend these thoughts. Trust me, I've been there. And when you're stressed out and someone says, "look, if YOU just see it like this..." all you want to do it punch them in the face because you didn't hear options, you heard "look, it's YOUR FAULT you think your life sucks, just stop being stupid". Because inherently, we KNOW it's stupid to live in a negative mood. So cheer up the stressed-out friend or leave them alone until they calm down. They will calm down. I have calmed down, and it's funny again.
The name of a Youtube video that rings with such overpowering truth I was moved to strange watery-eyed laughter. I have strange emotions, but I bet you do too.
This is Water by David Foster Wallace
Longer version 22 Minutes: Full Speech (no vid) -- better I think, but longer!
Click on that link and enjoy it--only ten minutes and you might find afterwards you'll have that moment of stillness in that typical 24/7 routine life you lead.
The video is a piece from a commencement speech. I watch too many of these, but am constantly trying to re-inspire myself as often I find myself in uninspiring situations. Well, because, among other things, I graduated. I live in a world where people work for their life, instead of a world where people worked for intellectual curiosity or for, dare I say, fun. (Of course, this is an over-simplification. College friends would remind me of my not-so-great days in college and my complaining about the pointlessness of papers and the like. And of course, this new world can also be fun and intellectual stimulating.)
When I was a kid, I remember my Dad got angry while driving at the other drivers. We were on our way to soccer practice/game or some similar Johnny-centered activity I think. Thus, I felt a little bad that he was upset at other cars. So to calm him down, I told him that...maybe those drivers, the ones cutting us off, are going to a wedding. He looked at me strangely. Maybe one's the bride or groom? He laughed.
This memory is perhaps 80% fake--the validity of memory is poor--but I do remember my Dad telling me about this instance once when I was older. It seemed I had this ability to just distance feelings of frustration in the world by thinking. Thinking was my tool to use for my benefit and the benefit of others; help everyone keep calm. To this day, I still often point out such things to friends and, of course, myself. And have also learned that everyone has this ability!
But watching this video was POWERFUL today because, well, I've sucked at this since graduating! Narcissism really refers to an over-inflated sense of self masking a large insecurity, or so it is defined in psychology. But we're not all narcissistic--it's prevalence is low! However, we all have a tendency to consider our thoughts, our feelings, our needs as more important that everyone else's. (Which if you think about it makes a whole lot of sense because our thoughts, feelings, and needs are the only ones we actually know firsthand.) Thus, this video (which you really have to watch to understand this post) shows us how dumb we can all be running last-minute errands with our self-obsessed minds.
This video was POWERFUL because today I was sending money home. Which is a complicated process in China due to Chinese laws and due to Chinese bank employees lack of understanding of this complicated process. Long story short it worked and I walked away relived. But during the process, the bank gave me wrong information about numbers and codes I using. I did not know this was wrong information but was surprised as it countered the numbers and codes I had with me. My Chinese colleagues sided with the bank, though they know little about overseas transfers having never lived overseas. The bank found a solution, but at a cost of much arguing and time spent to the point that the security guard started insulting our party for taking too long. Which of course got me thinking, you mother f---ker (silently in my head) as I came super prepared but your bank employees don't know their job.
It became and I versus the world situation--overly dramatized in the retelling of course. And this task is really very simple it seems in the scheme of things. So, when I got home from work, I spoke with my bank and was assured I used all the right numbers. I even looked up the information about the codes and numbers and was able to find, from a credible source, that the information the bank had is simply outdated--which is funny considering last year I did this with much more ease.
But these "I vs. world" situations ARE manifestations of my mind. Of course it doesn't help that my Chinese skills are poor. It doesn't help that my colleagues can understand the bankers better than me. It doesn't help that I moved to China post graduating to learn about that adult life routine in a country that seems to assume I'm stupid or wrong, just because I can't communicate as well. Even my Chinese friends take extra convincing sometimes on information that expats accept without question. It's puzzling.
So this video. The first 3 minutes when he describes the daily routine with the going to the grocery store made me think. I laughed SO HARD watching this bit, not just because of the universal appeal, but because of my own experiences here and those of other foreigners.
'Like, so there's no food in your fridge. So you go to the store to get some. You forgot to weigh your food though, so the cashier takes it away from you. You protest, but no, you forgot to follow the system so no fruit or veggies for you. Unless you want to go back into the store and try again after waiting 10 minutes in a long long line.'
'Or--so there's no food in your fridge. So you go to a local place for dinner, trying to cheer yourself up but they changed the menu format you had memorized and you know some of the characters but not enough and you falter and just feel so stupid. Why can't I learn this language? Why can't I have EXTRA energy after the exhausting day to learn? If I could just eat fast then I'd have more TIME?'
'Or --so there's no food in your fridge but you want Western food. So you take a bus or a metro, or two buses and a metro to far away places that you haven't fully learned to navigate and spend a fortune on food that you'll be too tired to cook by the time your odyssey is over and your home.'
'Or--I'm late to work and I'm racing to the metro to find the entrance is missing because they tore it down over the weekend and now have to find another entrance and miss it because it's not marked but find it eventually and somehow, for some reason, blame all of CHINA for this...not a great way to start a day'
The daily grind is HILARIOUS in some respects. On my good humored days, Chengdu is a laughable challenge full of inquisitive children and adults who point, wave, and want to take a picture with you. Sometimes you don't get what you ordered. Sometimes the staff doesn't understand the Chinese you can speak. But you laugh it off and move on; life is too short to let this silliness under your skin.
On my bad humored day, Chengdu is something else. It's like you can't go outside without someone laughing at you, pointing at you, and constantly reminding you that YOU ARE NOT FROM HERE. YOU WILL NEVER FIT IT. YOU ARE 'LAO WAI'. And then the order's wrong and your not amused and the waitress really doesn't understand what you said to her last week this week? SERIOUSLY? And you suddenly have become afraid of new things and new bus routes and new areas to get to for a fear of getting lost; even though you are conscious that this was once ALL new and you've learned so much. And you're afraid of speaking the worlds that 90% of people understand because of the 10% that won't be patient and try to follow your Chinese.
Now, I have two months left here under contract. Two months left after 19 months here. Recently I was caught in a downhill spiral of bedbugs, stomach bugs, and many many no-good-really-bad-days. I meditated on quotes in my room. I went for walks. I read travel books. I tried many more things to get re-inspired with no such luck. That is, until the video.
The video showed me that the daily grind is challenging for EVERYONE. Yes, I do feel, in my me-centered thinking, that there are extra challenges here like communicating. But this daily grind is apart of too many of our lives; my friends' lives. And it doesn't have to be. If we can just all remember that we are lucky. We can think. We can think our way to positivity, neutrality, and negativity.
How many studies have I read about the power of positive thinking? How DAY A and DAY B are the same day, but person A and person B just had different moods. And yet, just as Wallace says in his speech, sometimes you can't think yourself out. Some days we WILL get frustrated. My Dad or I will yell at that driver or banker. But the more time I spend out of college, the more I feel the world IS what you make it. It looks the way YOU want it too. You can't change how it works but you CAN change how it effects YOU. (Though I do intend to change parts of how it works and you're welcome to join me!)
P.S. My best advice on this: don't tell your overly stressed-out friend these thoughts. Trust me, I've been there. And when you're stressed out and someone says, "look, if YOU just see it like this..." all you want to do it punch them in the face because you didn't hear options, you heard "look, it's YOUR FAULT you think your life sucks, just stop being stupid". Because inherently, we KNOW it's stupid to live in a negative mood. So cheer up the stressed-out friend or leave them alone until they calm down. They will calm down. I have calmed down, and it's funny again.
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