Class Dismissed

AP Psychology is over.  I have to the best of my ability attempted to teach 31 students psychology as well as an interest for it.  These students don't know this.  Most of them lost interest as second semester seniors.  Some of them turned to their review book in place my teaching.  But, like an energizer bunny, I kept going.

I tightened discipline. I loosened discipline. I included relevant examples. I switched examples mid-sentence when realizing students weren't getting it. I scoured for youtube clips. I graded. I complained about grading. I tried to make disinterested kids learn. I tried to help stressed students calm down.  I tried to hard on some things.  I didn't try hard enough on others.  I let their disinterest get to me.  I recharged on weekends.  I fought.  Students opened up to me.  Students started trusting me.  Some students started to resent me.  I caught myself resenting students.  I beat myself up for their disinterest.  I learned to let go of their responsibility to learn.  I joked with them.  I acted in front of them.  I worked for them.  Some worked for me.  I got bored.  I got too excited to sleep.  I couldn't wait for class to end.  The bell usually came too early.  I was nervous with detailed plans.  I am confident with no plan.  I talked to students after class.  Students talked to me after class.  I wasn't a teacher.  I was a teacher.   Am I a teacher?

Since October 8th (or there abouts) I have been teaching AP Psychology, a subject that is a bit boring, but does contain some wonderful knowledge.  It was a struggle.  Some days were wonderful, others were far less than.  All-in-all, I somehow guided the students over each chapter of the book.  More important to me, I was able to discuss about some things far more important than the book's contents.

I hope what I have done in the classroom has been helpful to these kids bound for the US next year.  I know many of them did not understand much of what I said, so I hope that they do in time.

For me, much of what teachers have said haunts me later with those awful "ah-ha" moments: awful only because if I had only listened then...you get it.  This task of teaching has made me super appreciative for my teachers and all teachers.  It's a tough job.  There's no bonus if the kids learn well except for personal satisfaction and maybe, just maybe, a thank you note--thus you really have to give it your all to pull it off.

Teaching really is one big performance.  And like any self-conscious actor, I wish I had had more practice before it went live.

The AP Exam is Monday at 1:00PM.  Fingers crossed for their study habits.  And if teachers get this nervous/excited about their students growing up and learning to work on their own, I don't know how anyone handles being a parent.  When I confiscate a student's cell phone, I get to go home and not share the same house with them!

So to teachers out there everywhere: I thank you.  Thank you for not giving up, thanks for staying after school and being late for dinner with friends, thanks for making your job a big part of yourself and sharing yourself with your students.

Xie xie!