Homeless

Okay, not that dramatic, but a catchy title.  Plus this blog should be dramatic.  It's far funnier for you and it keeps me laughing, which is necessary here.  I must confess there are many times when I talk to myself to keep me smiling.  This is going so sound silly, well really silly, but I was just reminded by a friend (Stephanie) about uh...my pet name for myself.  Horribly embarrassing, so blog-gold right?  For whatever reason when the going gets tough, like really tough, like after the tough have already gone and I'm left there alone, I call myself...buddy-boo.  I don't know why.  Maybe because hearing it makes me smile, because it's silly, maybe because it simulates a parent-child relationship with myself looking out for...myself.  I'm not sure how this developed, but it is a surprisingly effective coping mechanism.  Like when I'm super-excited about my new apartment that I'm practically skipping while hauling too much stuff from Walmart and then I find bed-like bugs in my mattress and refuse to move in, "buddy-boo...it's gonna be fine.  It will all work out".  Or after multiple trips to the bathroom almost every day of eating here, "buddy-boo...relax.  You'll adjust."  Or when I learn about what Dipont is really about (college acceptance versus education) and wonder why I'm here if all anyone cares about is the SAT, "buddy-boo.  it's gonna get better."  It's stupid.  It's patronizing.  But, it works.  It's better than taking a deep breath.  After speaking it aloud (cuz it must be spoken) I smile, every time!

'Buddy-boo' is like a band-aid really, it feels good just seeing it there before the situation improves.  If I can learn to catch myself every time I fall, then I really will be able to do so much in this life.  I feel most people fail at a dream or goal because they stumble and fall so much on the way that they give up.  Being in China will hopefully teach me even more coping skills.  Again and again I realize that this really will be the hardest thing I've done; that realization is another coping skill.  "Challenge accepted" and boom; I'm pumped up for the day.

So yes, things haven't been the best.  Although, with Sarah's help, we negotiated rent down and got me a new mattress, the mattress had what looked like bed bugs.  I noticed this on closer inspection and have asked for a new one.  When the housing realtor tried to tell me they were ants, I was not impressed.  If they are two-section or one-section ants, then that's great but I'm still not sleeping here.  Not taking that risk.  So then he opened the plastic wrap and I left the room, frustrated with my lack of Chinese language skills.  I haven't been back and I'm hoping like mad they are all staying on the mattress--a new one is supposed to come tomorrow.  This all happened yesterday.  I can't wait to move in, as long as the new mattress seems better.  I want fridge space, I want storage space.  I don't want to keep feeling homeless or rather baseless.  I need my base.  It's like the best coping technique.  Keeping some space for oneself that is safe, clean, and has food.  I did calm down and returned to Gregory's, but I really want to unpack my suitcase.  Like now.  Amazing how fed up I am, but I think understandable.

Teaching is also upsetting because I'm dealing with the apartment drama and not planning lessons.  Hard to teach when you're securing your residence!  But today was good, I think.  I called attendance after a great discussion on culture and language and thinking.  I was impressed with their thoughts and although they seemed at first to think it was beneath them, I think they eventually realized they might be learning something new.  Then I gave them a quiz.  They freaked!  After I gave it out, I did tell them it wouldn't be graded.  I just wanted to know what they picked up on from my lesson on Sunday--not much it turns out.  In fact they called it the hardest quiz.  Really I thought it was simple, but they aren't use to free response psych questions.  No word bank or nothing!  But it's AP and the questions were similar to ones I received while taking AP Psych, granted these kids are not natural English speakers.  So after the break we discussed the quiz, I went on another rank about American schools and honesty and such.  Then I reminded them about the essay topic that's due tomorrow.  I spent the remainder learning about their schedule and life and I think they are starting to realize I care about them.  After class, 6 students came up to me and none of their questions were about class.  They wanted to know things about college and they wanted advice.  I was thrilled!  Also George came up to in the break as he left the room when class started and I told him to see me after class...where did that come from?  It feels so natural some of the time.  I just explained that he needed to ask permission when he was leaving my classroom.  I hate disciplining though, the kids get so nervous, but I know it's better than loosing control of the classroom.

But I filled up 80mins AND got the kids to trust me more about helping them with college.  Success? I think so, getting into my apartment would make me so much happier though.

After work Cynthia showed me where I can get great Chow Fein (fried rice) and a great market.  Great food featuring quail eggs and mystery meat that you self-select.  You pick your ingredients, they make fried rice...just like FlatTop, except perhaps more authentic and by that I mean, less sanitary.  On the food note, lunch with Jesse, Charles, and Gregory was delicious, same place that John and Jesse took me too, but somehow better this time.  Back to Cynthia, we got better acquainted and walked home after dinner.  My new place is in her building so hopefully we can hang out plenty.  She, like the other teachers, is quick to help me and advise me.  I appreciate all their help.  We even had a staff meeting today.  Between the staff meeting, the shirt and tie I wore for picture day, and my new desk, I'm starting to feel like a real person...nooooooooooooooooooo!  But maybe not so bad.  Though do I really want to be a teacher?  We'll see.

Oh and another coping mechanism is Netflix, though I'm still on free trial until I can see what my internet will be like.  At Gregory's I can watch a movie almost 5 mins at a time.  But it's better than nothing, right buddy-boo? right, strange patronizing self.