I am glued to a traditional Tibetan stove. The stove is fire-fueled and boasts three different types of pots and cookware. A large round pot holds warm bitter tea. It's one of three sources of warmth on this crisp, dark evening. The second is Ama's smile. I think I'm smiling at her too much, but I can't help it. She possesses a rare warmth that exudes from her eyes, her smile, and is most potent in her laugh. Her face, weathered and strong, sits above fantastically colorful clothing full of reds, oranges, and turquoise-blue. Her band-aid-ed hands suggest a culinary prowess that is perhaps slowed by age. She notices that I've taken a sip of my tea, and brings over a large ladle to refill the few sips missing. It is rather bitter tea.
In the room with me is a cat, that I'm sure is actually a dog--it begs like a dog, it wants attention like a dog, and it eats like a dog, devouring hunks of hard Tibetan bread. Two of Ama's grandchildren are also in the room: a 4-year-old who has the energy of...a 4-year-old, and a 10-year-old with a goofy grin. Earlier, the 4-year-old was showing me his super-duper-light-up sword. I must have killed him a dozen times. He seemed to want to learn some of the English alphabet, but really desired to call every letter "A, B, C" over and over. We also played what seemed to be his favorite game of all: crawl on the laowai (foreigner).
The third source of warmth in the room is the walls. Four walls and the ceiling have been hand painted with bright designs. A landscape of Lhasa's Potala Palace adorns one of the walls. The swastikas on the walls give me pause, even though I know they were Buddhist first. The warmth of the walls, Ama's presence, and the stove are well-appreciated by my tired body.
Today started at 5:30AM, after going to bed a bit too late. I wore the latest in traveler fashion: a large puffy coat, sweat pants, hiking boots, a large pack, and a goofy grin: never leave home without it. At the bus station, I boarded and picked a seat. I fought the urge to get off and pee, a decision I would regret. Two hours into the bus ride, I pulled out my Chinese-English dictionary looking for 'bathroom' in desperation. Luck was on my side, the bus pulled over as I found the word. I sprinted to the restroom and as I exited a man gestured for me to pay. I gestured "how much?". He held up a finger. Sir, I would've paid you so much more. Two hours down; around eight left.
I returned to my seat next to 'morning breath'. Maybe she was a very sweet girl, but she kept positioning her mouth in such a way that no matter how I moved, her breathe flowed right into my nose/mouth. After peeing however, and finding myself in a far better mood, I smiled at her. Which ended up insuring that every time the bus stopped, she would politely let me pass.
At the edge of the Chengdu basin, we tunneled through mountains. The route to Jiuzhaigou snakes through mountain passes and valleys, while climbing and climbing. Hairpin turn after hairpin turn left my stomach turning down my offers of food. The river, which started off quite murky, changed to blue-green and became more and more beautiful as we drove. Eventually we were soaring though a plateau at an elevation close to 4,000 meters. We climbed away from the plateau and crossed the 4,000 meters mark in six inches of snow! The bus stopped to put on its chains and the rest of the journey was a lot slower as we descended down 2,000 meters.
The scenery on the journey was breath-taking (or perhaps the lack of oxygen). The windows prevented good pictures, but I am left with wonderful memories. The snow-covered pine trees, mists, and small stone towns were out of this world, and thus, obviously, Narnia.
Eventually, the bus driver called "lao wai." I guessed it was my time to get off. I found myself across from two big advertisements in a thin mountain pass. I called Zhou Ma, the host of the home-stay, and found my way (with the help of a too eager cab driver) to the family's Tibetan restaurant.
Zhou Ma, who speaks a bit of English, warmly greeted me. She is Tibetan, but wears trendy clothing which reveals her youth. Her brother takes me to Ama's, where I will stay. He wears a fedora, likes music, and is very smiley. We take his jeep off the main road, and up a very very narrow 'road' to Ama's. Tibetans, and thus prayer flags, are everywhere, including the entrance of the house.
Dinner is served soon after I arrive and is a bit of disappointment. The yak meat is tough and not very flavorful and the spice offered to dunk the yak meat in is a bit too much. The potatoes, however, are a real treat. I learned later that they are "the best potatoes in years". Had I possessed more self-awareness, I may have realized that the reason the food didn't taste too good may have been because I wasn't feeling good. Two hours after dinner, that self-awareness came as I vomited the contents of the day into their Western toilet.
I hadn't thrown up in years and was surprised by how easy it was nowadays, as compared to the stomach flu days of my youth. Of course, with my Mom 10,000 miles away, I finally chose to follow her advice and breathe deeply and relax. My task completed, I returned to the warmth of the room and gestured what had happened. Ama returned with a vile of brown liquid after gesturing a bus turning a lot. I drank the contents of the mysterious liquid. She gestured that I'd wake up tomorrow feeling better. I hope so. I hope that it's just bus-sick and not altitude sickness. I have never been 4,000 meters high until today, nor have I even slept at 2,000 meters. Thus this weekend would be the highest I had ever lived.
The calmness I felt while sick alone in a place where no one speaks my language showed me that I possess some strength. Is this why I travel? For a chance to prove myself strong?
Thoughts written down, stomach calm, I decided to get some sleep. The electric blanket and the heaps of other blankets made for a cozy nest, even if the room temperature was quite cold. After I was settled in bed, my roommate showed up: Eric, a PhD candidate. From California originally, he had made Switzerland his home for the past 10 years. We chatted for a bit before sleep.
Though I didn't sleep much--my stomach kept refusing to lie comfortably in any position. When I can't sleep, I use to freak out about not sleeping. But in college I came to realize how stupid that is: it's very hard to fall asleep when you're stress yourself out. So nowadays, I just relax and think that at least I'm resting if not sleeping. I find this increases my chances of falling asleep sooner.
I awoke feeling still a bit out of it, but decided, after a quick breakfast of a fried egg, Tibetan bread and honey, and yak-butter tea, to go ahead with my plan of exploring Jiuzhaigou. The yak butter tea was interesting. As Eric warned, it tastes a lot better than it smells. With chunks of nuts, yak butter, sugar, and tea, it was an exotic blend of flavors. Each sip improved its taste, and eventually I was sipping it happily.
It had snowed and the whole landscape had been transformed into a winter wonderland. As it rarely, if ever, snows in Chengdu, I was bent on seeing snow during this break and thrilled at my good fortune: not only had it snowed, but it was a blue-sky sunny day!
Zhou Ma's brother picked me up and drove me, Kerrin, and the two boys. Kerrin is a Dublin bloke who has been working at the park, helping with their Eco-Tourism as well as translating. He pointed me to the front entrance when we arrived. I paid for the entrance ticket (100RMB for 2-day in winter) and a bus ticket (80RMB/day).
Jiuzhaigou is Narnia. Of this I am sure. Vividly-bright blue waters, sweeping waterfalls, and peaks reaching out towards the sun. I explored the park with the help of a map from a German-South African couple. The crisp air and the sun started making me feel better. I munched on some honey and bread from Ama and a very wrinkled apple, siting and soaking in my view: mineral-colored water with a backdrop of snow and peaks.
The upside of Jiuzhaigou in winter is the absence of people. There are plenty of pictures of the National Park in other seasons with people shuffling on boardwalks, no space to breathe. The downside in winter is that they park staff are lazy (or not there) and as the admission is cheaper, they don't pay anyone to clear much of the paths (or just don't do it). Fine by me with my hiking boots, but because many Chinese tourists refuse to wear anything other than high heels (even up mountains), much of the park is closed off with "Fire Danger" signs. I was temped to jump signs, but everything that I wanted to see what open, just not the paths between, so the bus ticket was very handy.
Jiuzhaigou gets its name from the nine (jiu) Tibetan villages in the valley. They somehow escaped much of the Han people for many years and are now protected as they are in the National Park (and a major course of tourism). My second day in the park found me touring with Eric, Anne, and Sarah. Anne, a senior at MIT, and Sarah, her sister on a gap year before U of Chicago, were exploring China together. Sarah had been in class in China in the fall and was finishing her Chinese adventure. I could not believe a Vassar grad, PhD candidate, a future MIT grad (and Md), and a U Chicago future student had found each other in this place! Granted Eric's PhD was about Jiuzhaigou, but still, what are the odds? They all spoke Chinese, pretty fluently, which made me not feel left out, but driven to learn some more Chinese.
We toured much of the same sites I'd seen before (as with winter closing, there just isn't as much to do). But the lighting was different and the company was nice. Our first stop, a big lake, proved to be a chance to Macgyver. Anne dropped her lens cap (of a very nice camera) into the frozen lake. The boardwalk was a ways above the surface, but I happen to posses these crazy-long-arms. With the help of an umbrella and the combined weight of Sarah and Eric on my legs, I was able to scoop up the lens cap on the umbrella and save the day! If that didn't work, we did have a piece of gum. Anne had given up on the lens cap after she dropped, but once we started trying to help, we all knew it had to happen. I still can't believe it worked as my arm was just long enough to barely touch the ice with the umbrella. Needless to say I got a wonderful ab workout as I braced myself from falling into the strange mineral water.
After another beautiful day, the four of us headed back to the restaurant where we ordered yak meat baozi (round steamed dumplings). The yak meat was out-of-this-world good. After a long day walking around, and feeling much better with a returned appetite, I savored each bite.
On the bus the next morning, I thought about what a wonderful weekend I had. After all the stress of grading, parent-meetings (where 7 of my 30 students' parents showed up), it was nice to escape to such a wonderful place. I'll never forget the morning of my second day as I watched and photographed Ama call her sheep from a few houses over. They walked down the road to her. No dogs, no aggravation, nothing. Just well-trained sheep. Thinking back to the day I sheep-headed in NZ until I was hoarse, I was beyond amused by the Tibetan way: so simple, so effective.
The bus ride back was shorter and I felt much better, though at that 4,000 meter mark I did try to remain super hydrated. If you ever find yourself in Sichuan province or Chengdu, going to Jiuzhaigou is a must. Not only is it a world-heritage site, but it really is a magical place. Though, you may only need the two to three days recommended in summer crowds! And you must stay at Zhou Ma's Homestay. It was 180RMB/night, but in includes breakfast, dinner, light lunch, and transportation to and from the park and help with buses. It's about 30 US, so really, it's a steal considering your lodging becomes part of the reason for going.
Man, it's nice to be on break!
Monday, January 30, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
End of Semester 1
This is an older entry, I've been trying to stay busy over break which started two weeks ago, one left.
After thinking long and hard about what to do with my class and their final exam, I made a decision. I averaged the grades they gave themselves with the ones I gave them. Seeing as no group received a higher grade than a D from me, as I was a bit appalled at their work, I didn't think that was fully fair. Some of my students had e-mailed me trying to explain, and although I still think I was right to be upset, I realized that we (the students and I) had very different expectations about this presentation exam.
Thus, I wrote my students a very very long e-mail in which I explained my academic history--where I'm coming from. Then I explained what they should've known about their exam (no talking, no profanity, etc). Finally, I explained where the disconnect might be and then offered them a choice. I told them I'm your psychology teacher until May. I've made my choice and will do my best to teach you. But you have a choice: do you want to learn from me? (I gave them the, if yes..., but refused to write an if no as that's not hopefully a realistic option...finger crossed).
It may not be teaching-kosher, and this may be where I show the fact that I have never been trained at teaching. However, I got a WONDERFUL response from my students. Some showed critical thinking and self-awareness while writing apologies for their behavior for the whole year. I couldn't believe that they even read the e-mail! Also, they explained a lot of their side about this experience; something that is really helpful.
Maybe I've watched too many "Freedom Writers" type movies where teachers show tough love and get a response, but that's me! I am a teacher who will explain to my students, especially as they are 17 and 18, why they are in trouble. We learned in psychology that that's good parenting and boy are teachers parent-figures. Yes, you may have had a bad teacher once, or twice, but some of those "bad" teachers are great teachers--ones like good parents who are tough, but loving. Though as there are strict teacher-student guidelines, it's much harder as a teacher to show the loving side and, often, not always appropriate. So I try to show it with explanation.
I had to send, let's say, Walt, a kid who rarely does any work out to the principal's office as he refused to do any work after several warnings. I finished teaching the period and then rushed to the office to find him chatting with other students! The principal was out as Mark often is as he has another school, but I can't send kids to the Chinese principal as he's irrational when it comes to discipline and the kids don't respect him.
So I took Walt out into the hall and asked him what's going on. I was surprised by his lack of response to me. I even dared ask him if he understood English, he said he did. Okay...so, what's going on? I realize with hindsight that a teacher has probably never asked him this before. He's had his study habits for a while. But I remember those kids when I was in high school. I felt sorry for them as prior teachers would talk to new teachers and the poor kid was doomed to always be pegged as a slacker, non-worker, sleeper, etc. And I know those studies where they lie to teachers and tell them these students are star students where they're really weak students, but then drastically improve. But not when I'm the teacher. Everyone deserves a chance, maybe even two or three, especially when you're 17 or 18!
Eventually Walt spoke. He felt there was no reason to try in my class because he was failing and there was no way he could pass. EUREKA! That's it??? THAT'S IT??? Alright, he bit; he gave me information, now to use those people skills! Walt, you came to the class late and are failing because you've never even tried. You came in the first day, looked at me, and decided I wasn't worth your time. I'm still willing to teach you, but YOU have to at least give me a week. Pay attention for a week, I promise I say interesting things...it's psychology: we talk about all of you and how you feel, think, behave, and more!
After our talk, he returned to class with his head up. He's kept up the behavior since, though the semester ended soon after. But what a learning experience? After studying psychology for the past 4 years I have come to one big conclusion: there is always a reason. I find if I can expose those reasons for actions I don't understand, not only can I act with greater understanding, but I find it easier to resolve conflicts when I know what the cause might be. Walt trusted me enough to explain, and thus, my hopes are restored.
So I treated the class with that e-mail in the same way: I trusted them. Teaching, like parenting, takes immense trust. I'm pleased to say that all but 4 of my students passed my class, which is high for our center. Sure, my class is easier than Physics C, Stats, Econ, and the other APs, but I also made it a goal to pass them. Which again, may seem strange, but if a student fails once (like most of the students have in years past...it's a flawed system) then if I can pass them, maybe it'll be the spark to rekindle their passion for learning. It's hard to want to try when you feel there's no hope.
Which brings me to my semester goal: rekindle their passion for life. These kids spend hours upon hours playing video games and doing not much else. But these kids could be so interesting! I've assigned them a chapter to read and questions to do as well as a special assignment: do something that inspires you over break. I feel this is crucial as these kids are so burnt out that I fear for them next year.
It's going to be a very interesting semester. I can't wait.
After thinking long and hard about what to do with my class and their final exam, I made a decision. I averaged the grades they gave themselves with the ones I gave them. Seeing as no group received a higher grade than a D from me, as I was a bit appalled at their work, I didn't think that was fully fair. Some of my students had e-mailed me trying to explain, and although I still think I was right to be upset, I realized that we (the students and I) had very different expectations about this presentation exam.
Thus, I wrote my students a very very long e-mail in which I explained my academic history--where I'm coming from. Then I explained what they should've known about their exam (no talking, no profanity, etc). Finally, I explained where the disconnect might be and then offered them a choice. I told them I'm your psychology teacher until May. I've made my choice and will do my best to teach you. But you have a choice: do you want to learn from me? (I gave them the, if yes..., but refused to write an if no as that's not hopefully a realistic option...finger crossed).
It may not be teaching-kosher, and this may be where I show the fact that I have never been trained at teaching. However, I got a WONDERFUL response from my students. Some showed critical thinking and self-awareness while writing apologies for their behavior for the whole year. I couldn't believe that they even read the e-mail! Also, they explained a lot of their side about this experience; something that is really helpful.
Maybe I've watched too many "Freedom Writers" type movies where teachers show tough love and get a response, but that's me! I am a teacher who will explain to my students, especially as they are 17 and 18, why they are in trouble. We learned in psychology that that's good parenting and boy are teachers parent-figures. Yes, you may have had a bad teacher once, or twice, but some of those "bad" teachers are great teachers--ones like good parents who are tough, but loving. Though as there are strict teacher-student guidelines, it's much harder as a teacher to show the loving side and, often, not always appropriate. So I try to show it with explanation.
I had to send, let's say, Walt, a kid who rarely does any work out to the principal's office as he refused to do any work after several warnings. I finished teaching the period and then rushed to the office to find him chatting with other students! The principal was out as Mark often is as he has another school, but I can't send kids to the Chinese principal as he's irrational when it comes to discipline and the kids don't respect him.
So I took Walt out into the hall and asked him what's going on. I was surprised by his lack of response to me. I even dared ask him if he understood English, he said he did. Okay...so, what's going on? I realize with hindsight that a teacher has probably never asked him this before. He's had his study habits for a while. But I remember those kids when I was in high school. I felt sorry for them as prior teachers would talk to new teachers and the poor kid was doomed to always be pegged as a slacker, non-worker, sleeper, etc. And I know those studies where they lie to teachers and tell them these students are star students where they're really weak students, but then drastically improve. But not when I'm the teacher. Everyone deserves a chance, maybe even two or three, especially when you're 17 or 18!
Eventually Walt spoke. He felt there was no reason to try in my class because he was failing and there was no way he could pass. EUREKA! That's it??? THAT'S IT??? Alright, he bit; he gave me information, now to use those people skills! Walt, you came to the class late and are failing because you've never even tried. You came in the first day, looked at me, and decided I wasn't worth your time. I'm still willing to teach you, but YOU have to at least give me a week. Pay attention for a week, I promise I say interesting things...it's psychology: we talk about all of you and how you feel, think, behave, and more!
After our talk, he returned to class with his head up. He's kept up the behavior since, though the semester ended soon after. But what a learning experience? After studying psychology for the past 4 years I have come to one big conclusion: there is always a reason. I find if I can expose those reasons for actions I don't understand, not only can I act with greater understanding, but I find it easier to resolve conflicts when I know what the cause might be. Walt trusted me enough to explain, and thus, my hopes are restored.
So I treated the class with that e-mail in the same way: I trusted them. Teaching, like parenting, takes immense trust. I'm pleased to say that all but 4 of my students passed my class, which is high for our center. Sure, my class is easier than Physics C, Stats, Econ, and the other APs, but I also made it a goal to pass them. Which again, may seem strange, but if a student fails once (like most of the students have in years past...it's a flawed system) then if I can pass them, maybe it'll be the spark to rekindle their passion for learning. It's hard to want to try when you feel there's no hope.
Which brings me to my semester goal: rekindle their passion for life. These kids spend hours upon hours playing video games and doing not much else. But these kids could be so interesting! I've assigned them a chapter to read and questions to do as well as a special assignment: do something that inspires you over break. I feel this is crucial as these kids are so burnt out that I fear for them next year.
It's going to be a very interesting semester. I can't wait.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
New Year News and a Second Brithday
Okay, fine, I think you all deserve a happier post than the last one.
New Year's Eve found me at a wedding! Tina, of the office staff, was getting married. Well she had already had been certified, but had yet to have a proper ceremony. We were greeted by people holding trays of candy and cigarettes (separate trays), but I couldn't believe the combination. We greeted the beautiful bride and she shed a couple tears. Which of course I pointed out was silly--she probably needed them for later (and she did!).
We (most of the staff + Steve's wife and adorable kids) were ushered to a tea house to wait, where they served jasmine green tea as many Sichuan tea houses do. I, of course, am allergic to jasmine tea? Or so I learned when younger. We returned to the wedding and sat next to a runway-like structure on a table with some appetizers and food.
The lao wai (foreigners) were given the task of throwing paper rose petals as the bride walked down the runway--though they didn't exactly fly far. Tina and her groom exchanged their vows; her groom translating his responses to an enthusiastic "I Do" or "Yeahh...". Then the bride and groom poured wine into a glass that spilled over into a stack of other classes...like cutting cake together? I dunno. The 'service' ended and Tina disappeared and more food appeared.
Tina returned to the floor in a different dress and her husband had on his military uniform. They went from table to table greeting all the guests and having toasts. It was very nice of Tina to include us on her special day.
I returned home and said good-bye to Steve's kids, who refer to me as Uncle Johnny. I spent the next 6 hours cleaning my apartment. After Christmas Eve and all the cooking, I just never put my place fully back together. But with the New Year, and possibly last year, looming, I decided it was a time to re-claim my space. Finally finished, Cynthia and I opened some champagne and we headed downtown to meet up with Maggie, Lynette, Elliot, and Mike (who was visiting).
Confetti flew down at midnight and found me toasting new friends in a new country. And then, of course, I flew back up to the dance floor. Muse's dance floors, like many clubs, are small and about two feet above the floor--so when you dance everyone can see you. Which if you have my level of extroversion, only makes dancing more fun. I had on sunglasses, which don't seem so out of place with all the fog and lights. When were out dancing, we always make it our mission to get other people dancing. So I'll grab a couple and bring them on up and as I'm laowai, they'll often humor me--and then enjoy themselves. I just can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to dance, or should I say, why anyone who goes to a Chinese club with crazy cool lights could resist the urge to dance. Or maybe--I just watched Step Up.
After Muse, we found ourselves eating delicious eggplant among other dishes before continuing the night at Jellyfish, a foreigner bar, where I was mistaken for being an Australian, which is fine by me. In fact, people never guess I'm American when I'm out. Somehow that feels like a good thing most of the time. Though on the taxi home, the cab driver thought I was 40. Usually I get 30, which is still high. Guess facial hair adds a lot more age in China.
The evening ended, and I awoke on New Years Day quite restless, haven't not gotten much sleep. Cynthia and I grabbed an epic massage. Afterwards we could not move and felt quite drunk; Cynthia realized that perhaps this is what relaxed feels like. We moved at a very very slow pace and eventually made some pizza and watched "My Best Friend's Wedding" and "When Harry Met Sally...". So essentially, I entered the New Year as a couch potato. But a very happy and relaxed couch potato! I had heaps of grading due during this time, which caused much stress as I was also trying to plan out the final exam and other important assignments. Relaxed and content with this New Year, I went to sleep.
On Tuesday, the 3rd, Cynthia and I had Gregory over for dinner. He started calling me 'sonny-boy' or 'my son' early on in China, so naturally, he is now my father, but always pronounced in a Russian accent. And eventually it came to light that Cynthia was his daughter, so we're a Russian-Kiwi/Malay-American family. I produced a chocolate covered spice cake for desert and Cynthia made some lasagna. It was a very nice dinner. I also happened to finish grading the multiple choice questions of my midterm exam (after grading all the students papers and assignments the week prior).
On the 4th I finished grading the students midterms and gave the students time to use for their Final Exam presentations. Their midterm essays were shockingly good and I was filled with hope, though most of the students failed the midterm (it was a hard one though). I went out for dinner with Elliot and Androgeny: fish hot pot. The fish was great, the presence of fish eyes was not. Apparently I like fish...or at least fresh water fish sliced and added raw into a pot of oil with Sichuan peppers, pepper flakes, and pepper corns. Thought I'm not a fan of fish bones! I also discovered walnut milk; not entirely sure what that means, but it was milky and walnutty. The hot pot made the chilly night better.
I awoke on the 5th, my 23rd birthday, in China! Yeah it still surprises me sometimes. I went to school in the afternoon and listened to student's presentations. They were awful in my eyes, full of jokes and unnecessary media after I'd warned them of the latter. The students chatted the whole time and I eventually gave up on shushing them. All of the presentations were too long and I had to stop them short. It felt as if they all took it as a joke, though it has since come to my attention that some groups really did spend days on them--though I think the days part was more for the acquiring of pictures than of information. After the last group, I walked slowly to the front of the class and they actually quieted down a bit. They knew. I was angry, but unlike my last angry lecture, I was calm. I explained how rude they were to talk over each other and how it often seems like they don't respect each other or me. I explained the break homework and then left as I was now late for my own birthday dinner.
Maybe I was to hard on the students; maybe my expectations were to high. But I know these students, we've worked for three months together, and I know they could've done better, much better. Not sure how I am to grade them.
I found Cynthia waiting for me in the office urging me that we had to go (as she had to be back for evening study) so we left. I wasn't sure where we were going, but I knew we were meeting Sarah's mother and Sarah for dinner. Then outside a restaurant, I saw Steve and Simon. "Cool," I thought, "they're coming too!" Then I saw Sarah's mother and then Cynthia said, "Johnny, look!"
I turned to the back of the restaurant where Steve's wife and kids: Arwin, Emma, and Adam, Leon, Jessie, Charles, and Mark were sitting. And there was a cake! I couldn't believe it--but was so irritated at my students that I didn't give them the best surprise reaction. Cynthia had organized the whole thing for me and I was caught quite unawares--I'd always wanted a surprise bday party on my birthday. Dinner was dumplings, which were adequate, but I was quiet content. Everyone sang, there were candles, and the cake was good. THEN, Sarah's mom gave me a wrapped package, as did Steve's kids! Steve said his kids think I'm an alcoholic--which stems back to Tina's wedding where Jessie decided to get the venue staff to give me a bottle of wine to take back that I defended from the other foreigners much to the children's delight--and gave me a bottle opener that's stuck to my fridge.
After dinner I walked with Sarah's mom, as Sarah was late from a meeting at Dipont. She and her husband found us and went to dinner...with me! So I ate again, though not much. Sarah's mom wasn't full after the dumplings, though she had gestured that during the meal. I opened the gift from Sarah's mom and found red socks with dragons on them--the ones I'm supposed to wear January 22nd for the start of the year of the dragon (my year!). Sarah produced a gift from Tina, some sweets, and I was a very giddy boy.
(Sarah's mother is very sweet. She urged me to buy a warm coat and said I had to if I wanted to visit her home over the break, so I did. She has also told Sarah that I am too young to be on my own in China and that she admires how I try everything she serves to me when I have dinner at their home. Sarah's mother know no English and if I could learn some Chinese, it would be for her to thank her for all her kind words, meals, and mom-ness. It's always good to have mothers in our lives).
Cynthia finished evening study and we walked back to Zhong hai and went to August to hand out with Jerry and Cindy. After some drinks, Jerry and Cindy said they'd take us to KTV. I couldn't wait! So we hopped on the bus, a tad tipsy, and eventually arrived to the KTV. Two of Jerry's friends met us there and we booked a room at around 12:30AM for until 5:30AM. I was sure we'd leave before then--we didn't. We were the LAST people to leave. But with so many songs to sing, how could we not stay! From Gorillaz to Eminem ft. Rihanna to The Carpenters to George Michael and more, we sang for 5 hours while drinking beers and eating noodles. A very Chinesey bday and way too much fun! My voice gave a bit as the night wore on, but I was pleasantly surprised how long I can sing for.
We exited the KTV and thought that breakfast would be a good idea, but McDonald's wasn't serving breakfast yet, so we walked to another one which was closed and ended up at Dico's eating awful food, but very much enjoying life. The buses had just started running around 6:30, when we ended up taxiing back. I was home by 7:20AM and in bed by 7:45 as it looked light.
I awoke at 5:00PM to fading light, I cannot believe I slept the whole day though I probably needed it.
My birthday was wonderful. Seeing all the staff at dinner was nice, getting a cake was nice (even if it is a Chinese cake--they don't understand moist), and having people give me gifts was too nice. I felt spoiled, especially as I celebrated a Chinese lunar bday three weeks prior with my Chinese friends. I am still at awe with how nice my bday was. I feel very fortunate to be someone that can not only travel, but who can also meet nice and friendly folk. And like my other 22, I found myself surrounded by loving people while blowing out candles and grinning ear-to-ear.
And that just makes smile more.
New Year's Eve found me at a wedding! Tina, of the office staff, was getting married. Well she had already had been certified, but had yet to have a proper ceremony. We were greeted by people holding trays of candy and cigarettes (separate trays), but I couldn't believe the combination. We greeted the beautiful bride and she shed a couple tears. Which of course I pointed out was silly--she probably needed them for later (and she did!).
We (most of the staff + Steve's wife and adorable kids) were ushered to a tea house to wait, where they served jasmine green tea as many Sichuan tea houses do. I, of course, am allergic to jasmine tea? Or so I learned when younger. We returned to the wedding and sat next to a runway-like structure on a table with some appetizers and food.
The lao wai (foreigners) were given the task of throwing paper rose petals as the bride walked down the runway--though they didn't exactly fly far. Tina and her groom exchanged their vows; her groom translating his responses to an enthusiastic "I Do" or "Yeahh...". Then the bride and groom poured wine into a glass that spilled over into a stack of other classes...like cutting cake together? I dunno. The 'service' ended and Tina disappeared and more food appeared.
Tina returned to the floor in a different dress and her husband had on his military uniform. They went from table to table greeting all the guests and having toasts. It was very nice of Tina to include us on her special day.
I returned home and said good-bye to Steve's kids, who refer to me as Uncle Johnny. I spent the next 6 hours cleaning my apartment. After Christmas Eve and all the cooking, I just never put my place fully back together. But with the New Year, and possibly last year, looming, I decided it was a time to re-claim my space. Finally finished, Cynthia and I opened some champagne and we headed downtown to meet up with Maggie, Lynette, Elliot, and Mike (who was visiting).
Confetti flew down at midnight and found me toasting new friends in a new country. And then, of course, I flew back up to the dance floor. Muse's dance floors, like many clubs, are small and about two feet above the floor--so when you dance everyone can see you. Which if you have my level of extroversion, only makes dancing more fun. I had on sunglasses, which don't seem so out of place with all the fog and lights. When were out dancing, we always make it our mission to get other people dancing. So I'll grab a couple and bring them on up and as I'm laowai, they'll often humor me--and then enjoy themselves. I just can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to dance, or should I say, why anyone who goes to a Chinese club with crazy cool lights could resist the urge to dance. Or maybe--I just watched Step Up.
After Muse, we found ourselves eating delicious eggplant among other dishes before continuing the night at Jellyfish, a foreigner bar, where I was mistaken for being an Australian, which is fine by me. In fact, people never guess I'm American when I'm out. Somehow that feels like a good thing most of the time. Though on the taxi home, the cab driver thought I was 40. Usually I get 30, which is still high. Guess facial hair adds a lot more age in China.
The evening ended, and I awoke on New Years Day quite restless, haven't not gotten much sleep. Cynthia and I grabbed an epic massage. Afterwards we could not move and felt quite drunk; Cynthia realized that perhaps this is what relaxed feels like. We moved at a very very slow pace and eventually made some pizza and watched "My Best Friend's Wedding" and "When Harry Met Sally...". So essentially, I entered the New Year as a couch potato. But a very happy and relaxed couch potato! I had heaps of grading due during this time, which caused much stress as I was also trying to plan out the final exam and other important assignments. Relaxed and content with this New Year, I went to sleep.
On Tuesday, the 3rd, Cynthia and I had Gregory over for dinner. He started calling me 'sonny-boy' or 'my son' early on in China, so naturally, he is now my father, but always pronounced in a Russian accent. And eventually it came to light that Cynthia was his daughter, so we're a Russian-Kiwi/Malay-American family. I produced a chocolate covered spice cake for desert and Cynthia made some lasagna. It was a very nice dinner. I also happened to finish grading the multiple choice questions of my midterm exam (after grading all the students papers and assignments the week prior).
On the 4th I finished grading the students midterms and gave the students time to use for their Final Exam presentations. Their midterm essays were shockingly good and I was filled with hope, though most of the students failed the midterm (it was a hard one though). I went out for dinner with Elliot and Androgeny: fish hot pot. The fish was great, the presence of fish eyes was not. Apparently I like fish...or at least fresh water fish sliced and added raw into a pot of oil with Sichuan peppers, pepper flakes, and pepper corns. Thought I'm not a fan of fish bones! I also discovered walnut milk; not entirely sure what that means, but it was milky and walnutty. The hot pot made the chilly night better.
I awoke on the 5th, my 23rd birthday, in China! Yeah it still surprises me sometimes. I went to school in the afternoon and listened to student's presentations. They were awful in my eyes, full of jokes and unnecessary media after I'd warned them of the latter. The students chatted the whole time and I eventually gave up on shushing them. All of the presentations were too long and I had to stop them short. It felt as if they all took it as a joke, though it has since come to my attention that some groups really did spend days on them--though I think the days part was more for the acquiring of pictures than of information. After the last group, I walked slowly to the front of the class and they actually quieted down a bit. They knew. I was angry, but unlike my last angry lecture, I was calm. I explained how rude they were to talk over each other and how it often seems like they don't respect each other or me. I explained the break homework and then left as I was now late for my own birthday dinner.
Maybe I was to hard on the students; maybe my expectations were to high. But I know these students, we've worked for three months together, and I know they could've done better, much better. Not sure how I am to grade them.
I found Cynthia waiting for me in the office urging me that we had to go (as she had to be back for evening study) so we left. I wasn't sure where we were going, but I knew we were meeting Sarah's mother and Sarah for dinner. Then outside a restaurant, I saw Steve and Simon. "Cool," I thought, "they're coming too!" Then I saw Sarah's mother and then Cynthia said, "Johnny, look!"
I turned to the back of the restaurant where Steve's wife and kids: Arwin, Emma, and Adam, Leon, Jessie, Charles, and Mark were sitting. And there was a cake! I couldn't believe it--but was so irritated at my students that I didn't give them the best surprise reaction. Cynthia had organized the whole thing for me and I was caught quite unawares--I'd always wanted a surprise bday party on my birthday. Dinner was dumplings, which were adequate, but I was quiet content. Everyone sang, there were candles, and the cake was good. THEN, Sarah's mom gave me a wrapped package, as did Steve's kids! Steve said his kids think I'm an alcoholic--which stems back to Tina's wedding where Jessie decided to get the venue staff to give me a bottle of wine to take back that I defended from the other foreigners much to the children's delight--and gave me a bottle opener that's stuck to my fridge.
After dinner I walked with Sarah's mom, as Sarah was late from a meeting at Dipont. She and her husband found us and went to dinner...with me! So I ate again, though not much. Sarah's mom wasn't full after the dumplings, though she had gestured that during the meal. I opened the gift from Sarah's mom and found red socks with dragons on them--the ones I'm supposed to wear January 22nd for the start of the year of the dragon (my year!). Sarah produced a gift from Tina, some sweets, and I was a very giddy boy.
(Sarah's mother is very sweet. She urged me to buy a warm coat and said I had to if I wanted to visit her home over the break, so I did. She has also told Sarah that I am too young to be on my own in China and that she admires how I try everything she serves to me when I have dinner at their home. Sarah's mother know no English and if I could learn some Chinese, it would be for her to thank her for all her kind words, meals, and mom-ness. It's always good to have mothers in our lives).
Cynthia finished evening study and we walked back to Zhong hai and went to August to hand out with Jerry and Cindy. After some drinks, Jerry and Cindy said they'd take us to KTV. I couldn't wait! So we hopped on the bus, a tad tipsy, and eventually arrived to the KTV. Two of Jerry's friends met us there and we booked a room at around 12:30AM for until 5:30AM. I was sure we'd leave before then--we didn't. We were the LAST people to leave. But with so many songs to sing, how could we not stay! From Gorillaz to Eminem ft. Rihanna to The Carpenters to George Michael and more, we sang for 5 hours while drinking beers and eating noodles. A very Chinesey bday and way too much fun! My voice gave a bit as the night wore on, but I was pleasantly surprised how long I can sing for.
We exited the KTV and thought that breakfast would be a good idea, but McDonald's wasn't serving breakfast yet, so we walked to another one which was closed and ended up at Dico's eating awful food, but very much enjoying life. The buses had just started running around 6:30, when we ended up taxiing back. I was home by 7:20AM and in bed by 7:45 as it looked light.
I awoke at 5:00PM to fading light, I cannot believe I slept the whole day though I probably needed it.
My birthday was wonderful. Seeing all the staff at dinner was nice, getting a cake was nice (even if it is a Chinese cake--they don't understand moist), and having people give me gifts was too nice. I felt spoiled, especially as I celebrated a Chinese lunar bday three weeks prior with my Chinese friends. I am still at awe with how nice my bday was. I feel very fortunate to be someone that can not only travel, but who can also meet nice and friendly folk. And like my other 22, I found myself surrounded by loving people while blowing out candles and grinning ear-to-ear.
And that just makes smile more.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Blue Christmas (caution: feeling content is high)
Christmas is almost over. In fact there are only two hours left. I am very ready for this holiday weekend to be over.
On Friday (23rd), I awoke late and felt surprisingly good considering my birthday shenanigans. I wrote the previous blog entry and then Jerry and Cindy invited me to lunch...at McDonald's. Not Jerry's cup of tea (no rice!) but Cindy seemed to enjoy it. We chatted about the upcoming Christmas dinner the following night. I realized I needed to leave as I was hoping to crank out an apple pie before the Dipont Christmas dinner.
So naturally at 4:50pm, I found myself shaving while increasing the temperature on the pie while putting on clothes tying a long tie (somewhat successfully), removed the almost done pie, and was out the door, running to McDonald's. I arrived at 5:10, but the tie seemed to make up a bit for my lateness. Perhaps I was a bit too dressed up, but it was Christmas Dinner. Traffic was awful and the Chinese driver blamed me for those ten minutes. Whatever. We arrived to a fancy schmancy buffet, which was decent but not my favorite. It was very loud and crowded (like China usually is) and the food wasn't wonderful...though they did have real ice cream. Win.
The highlight of the evening was coming home on the bus riding next to two of Steve's three kids: Emma, Arwin, and Adam. Emma seemed to know it all; though I was able to convince Adam to fear the Chengdu Shark, you know the one that doesn't need water to survive? The kids were charming and it made the whole night feel more like Chirstmas, which at the time was good, but as I write this not-so-good.
I returned home and started making snickerdoodles. I was able to make 7 at a time, baking for 20 minutes. Then I made chocolate vegan cake, a recipe learned from my housemate Briar in New Zealand. After which I decided I needed to make banana bread/cake. And all of a sudden, it was 3am! But Christmas had to happen (I need to find a different word right now for that holiday).
So the-holiday-that-must-not-be-named-eve, found me up and rolling! Cynthia was out gathering supplies with a heavy heart...the-holiday-that-must-not-be-named abroad is difficult to say the least. But when I returned from Walmart with more supplies, she had already cranked out lasagna cheese sauce and lasagna meat sauce! My apartment smelled like Chri---the-holiday-that-must-not-be-named. Throughout the day, Jerry and Cindy came over to help and we cranked out pork roast, roast chicken, lasagna, baked veggies, mashed potatoes, decorated the cake, and heaps of purchased rolls. We took one short noodle-break but all realized we'd been on our feet for hours, especially Cynthia; the holiday-that-must-not-be-named trooper!
Oh and that chicken? Well, thank goodness I worked on a farm! It came with feet, head, and all organs intact. I remember Rob, my farmer-boss, teaching me that some organs must not be cut open, so I did my best and carefully knife out the innards, removed the feet, and the neck and head. One of those moments that made me really thankful for this past summer.
Lynette, Maggie, Androgeny, Elliot, Victor (Elliot's roommate), Mark, Charles, Steve, Adam, Arwin, Emma, Laurrr, Hans, Jerry, Cindy, Katy (another teacher at different Dipont center), Cynthia, and I enjoyed a very nice spread of food. Tom and his family stopped by to say hello with their daughter, home from US college for the holidays. Our friends were very impressed with our cooking. I spent the night babysitting the kids, taking pictures, fussing over food, and finally relaxing. It was so nice of Jerry and Cindy to provide the space. Even better--they gave Cynthia and I each a gift--which meant I had something to open on the-holiday-that-must-not-be-named.
As the evening progressed and the kids left, the mulled wine and Tibetan wine started flowing. Finally it was 12:01am and people began leaving. Which let me open up my gift! There was no way I was going to be able to open the gift alone in my apartment on the holiday-that-must-not-be-named. I opened the beautifully wrapped packaging and found a red/black scarf; the first scarf I've owned in years and the first that I will wear. I was thrilled...not by the scarf, but by the kindness of Jerry and Cindy.
Cynthia and I departed from August and ended up meeting Lynette out on the town. I wore my Santa hat and probably should not have gone--I really wasn't in the mood; but the thought of being all alone on the eve or early morning of...well, you know...was just not appealing. Once inside the club (where the staff all had on Santa hats), the music got to me and I started busting moves, attracting watchers as I'm a rather tall white kid in China who dances like no one is watching.
Finally I arrived home after making plans via text to skype the family.
I awoke maybe four hours later at 9am to Skype on the holiday-that-must-not-be-named. It was nice being able to feel like a part of it, even 10,000 miles away. I went back to bed afterwards and woke up determined to get out of my place. Jerry and Cindy invited me for lunch and we grabbed Cynthia and had Chinese on Christmas (I said it, err wrote it)...which made me feel Jewish. Afterwards Cynthia and I departed for town. Christmas in China means sales and I needed some warmer gear to survive in Chengdu. I found some wool socks, extra pair of sweat pants, a jumper, and a down-coat (or at least it feels like feathers inside). We ate a strange Christmas (I said it again!) dinner and then found a grocery store Cynthia had been wanting to go to. Finally we cabbed back and parted ways.
It was a good day. Christmas Eve (this is progress!) was great too. But, then I facetimed my parents and all of my hard work this weekend to distract myself feel through. They were on their way to church and I asked to see the tree. Santa came for me and left an iTunes gift card and I saw the tree and felt feelings welling up. Thankfully, my parents had to go. And then it happened. The damn broke and I sat in my apartment alone on Christmas crying. No, it wasn't about the tree or the presents, it was about my presence or lack there of. Even if I skype in for Chirstmas day tomorrow morning, I'm still not there. Christmas is the best family time; everyone is in a good mood and it's just, well, merry. So I let myself shed those feelings, which I no longer needed to hold onto (with only hours remaining of Christmas day).
The crying made me wonder about all those adventure people, you know, the ones who go off and come back with those amazing tales? Do they cry on Christmas and just leave that part out? Or do they just emotionally distance themselves from friends and family? Or are they running away from friends and family? I want to adventure, but I think, well I know now, that I want to be home for Christmas. I want to be home when the family's gathered. And more than that: if those adventurers don't cry on Christmas, than I don't want to be an adventurer. How could one not miss one's family? How could one not miss one's friends? How could one not cry like a blubbering idiot on Christmas? (And why is our generation so obsessed with ourselves that we blubber like idiots on public spaces like blogs? -- which makes me laugh now as I edit)
I like feeling. And for me, when I have these moments...well after I've calmed down, I feel good. Okay so I'm not fully there yet tonight, but I'm headed that direction. When I left NZ I cried like a baby, and I realized how important that experience was to me. Today I truly learned something I've suspected for much of my life: I love my family so much. Like beyond words. They've loved me since before I could talk and even continued loving me after I could!
Being away in New Zealand was for a semester and thus didn't generate this feelings--as I was home for the holidays. This adventure in China is truly an adventure, which is proving to be very difficult today. But, here comes that mostly unwavering positivity: I still think it's for my best. I firmly believe that leaving people and experiences, can remove the clutter in your mind and help you focus on what's really important. And today, it's family. And tomorrow, it's family. And for every other day of my life, it's family. My family is so important to me, which is a statement people always say, but I really mean it--like through tears mean it--and that's gotta mean something! Not that I have an idea of what's it's like to not have a family, but this one Christmas without has proved to be a powerful one in firming and, perhaps, solidifying my beliefs on the topic of family and leaves me feeling very lucky to have had a life where I have been able to celebrate with the same people every year.
And even if I'm still upset now, I know that tomorrow will be better and I'll always remember this Christmas as the one that filled me with the most love for my family.
And that's a pretty huge gift.
As for the blue Christmas, Chengdu saw the sun today. Guess I'm not the only one seeing the light.
Merry Christmas!
On Friday (23rd), I awoke late and felt surprisingly good considering my birthday shenanigans. I wrote the previous blog entry and then Jerry and Cindy invited me to lunch...at McDonald's. Not Jerry's cup of tea (no rice!) but Cindy seemed to enjoy it. We chatted about the upcoming Christmas dinner the following night. I realized I needed to leave as I was hoping to crank out an apple pie before the Dipont Christmas dinner.
So naturally at 4:50pm, I found myself shaving while increasing the temperature on the pie while putting on clothes tying a long tie (somewhat successfully), removed the almost done pie, and was out the door, running to McDonald's. I arrived at 5:10, but the tie seemed to make up a bit for my lateness. Perhaps I was a bit too dressed up, but it was Christmas Dinner. Traffic was awful and the Chinese driver blamed me for those ten minutes. Whatever. We arrived to a fancy schmancy buffet, which was decent but not my favorite. It was very loud and crowded (like China usually is) and the food wasn't wonderful...though they did have real ice cream. Win.
The highlight of the evening was coming home on the bus riding next to two of Steve's three kids: Emma, Arwin, and Adam. Emma seemed to know it all; though I was able to convince Adam to fear the Chengdu Shark, you know the one that doesn't need water to survive? The kids were charming and it made the whole night feel more like Chirstmas, which at the time was good, but as I write this not-so-good.
I returned home and started making snickerdoodles. I was able to make 7 at a time, baking for 20 minutes. Then I made chocolate vegan cake, a recipe learned from my housemate Briar in New Zealand. After which I decided I needed to make banana bread/cake. And all of a sudden, it was 3am! But Christmas had to happen (I need to find a different word right now for that holiday).
So the-holiday-that-must-not-be-named-eve, found me up and rolling! Cynthia was out gathering supplies with a heavy heart...the-holiday-that-must-not-be-named abroad is difficult to say the least. But when I returned from Walmart with more supplies, she had already cranked out lasagna cheese sauce and lasagna meat sauce! My apartment smelled like Chri---the-holiday-that-must-not-be-named. Throughout the day, Jerry and Cindy came over to help and we cranked out pork roast, roast chicken, lasagna, baked veggies, mashed potatoes, decorated the cake, and heaps of purchased rolls. We took one short noodle-break but all realized we'd been on our feet for hours, especially Cynthia; the holiday-that-must-not-be-named trooper!
Oh and that chicken? Well, thank goodness I worked on a farm! It came with feet, head, and all organs intact. I remember Rob, my farmer-boss, teaching me that some organs must not be cut open, so I did my best and carefully knife out the innards, removed the feet, and the neck and head. One of those moments that made me really thankful for this past summer.
Lynette, Maggie, Androgeny, Elliot, Victor (Elliot's roommate), Mark, Charles, Steve, Adam, Arwin, Emma, Laurrr, Hans, Jerry, Cindy, Katy (another teacher at different Dipont center), Cynthia, and I enjoyed a very nice spread of food. Tom and his family stopped by to say hello with their daughter, home from US college for the holidays. Our friends were very impressed with our cooking. I spent the night babysitting the kids, taking pictures, fussing over food, and finally relaxing. It was so nice of Jerry and Cindy to provide the space. Even better--they gave Cynthia and I each a gift--which meant I had something to open on the-holiday-that-must-not-be-named.
As the evening progressed and the kids left, the mulled wine and Tibetan wine started flowing. Finally it was 12:01am and people began leaving. Which let me open up my gift! There was no way I was going to be able to open the gift alone in my apartment on the holiday-that-must-not-be-named. I opened the beautifully wrapped packaging and found a red/black scarf; the first scarf I've owned in years and the first that I will wear. I was thrilled...not by the scarf, but by the kindness of Jerry and Cindy.
Cynthia and I departed from August and ended up meeting Lynette out on the town. I wore my Santa hat and probably should not have gone--I really wasn't in the mood; but the thought of being all alone on the eve or early morning of...well, you know...was just not appealing. Once inside the club (where the staff all had on Santa hats), the music got to me and I started busting moves, attracting watchers as I'm a rather tall white kid in China who dances like no one is watching.
Finally I arrived home after making plans via text to skype the family.
I awoke maybe four hours later at 9am to Skype on the holiday-that-must-not-be-named. It was nice being able to feel like a part of it, even 10,000 miles away. I went back to bed afterwards and woke up determined to get out of my place. Jerry and Cindy invited me for lunch and we grabbed Cynthia and had Chinese on Christmas (I said it, err wrote it)...which made me feel Jewish. Afterwards Cynthia and I departed for town. Christmas in China means sales and I needed some warmer gear to survive in Chengdu. I found some wool socks, extra pair of sweat pants, a jumper, and a down-coat (or at least it feels like feathers inside). We ate a strange Christmas (I said it again!) dinner and then found a grocery store Cynthia had been wanting to go to. Finally we cabbed back and parted ways.
It was a good day. Christmas Eve (this is progress!) was great too. But, then I facetimed my parents and all of my hard work this weekend to distract myself feel through. They were on their way to church and I asked to see the tree. Santa came for me and left an iTunes gift card and I saw the tree and felt feelings welling up. Thankfully, my parents had to go. And then it happened. The damn broke and I sat in my apartment alone on Christmas crying. No, it wasn't about the tree or the presents, it was about my presence or lack there of. Even if I skype in for Chirstmas day tomorrow morning, I'm still not there. Christmas is the best family time; everyone is in a good mood and it's just, well, merry. So I let myself shed those feelings, which I no longer needed to hold onto (with only hours remaining of Christmas day).
The crying made me wonder about all those adventure people, you know, the ones who go off and come back with those amazing tales? Do they cry on Christmas and just leave that part out? Or do they just emotionally distance themselves from friends and family? Or are they running away from friends and family? I want to adventure, but I think, well I know now, that I want to be home for Christmas. I want to be home when the family's gathered. And more than that: if those adventurers don't cry on Christmas, than I don't want to be an adventurer. How could one not miss one's family? How could one not miss one's friends? How could one not cry like a blubbering idiot on Christmas? (And why is our generation so obsessed with ourselves that we blubber like idiots on public spaces like blogs? -- which makes me laugh now as I edit)
I like feeling. And for me, when I have these moments...well after I've calmed down, I feel good. Okay so I'm not fully there yet tonight, but I'm headed that direction. When I left NZ I cried like a baby, and I realized how important that experience was to me. Today I truly learned something I've suspected for much of my life: I love my family so much. Like beyond words. They've loved me since before I could talk and even continued loving me after I could!
Being away in New Zealand was for a semester and thus didn't generate this feelings--as I was home for the holidays. This adventure in China is truly an adventure, which is proving to be very difficult today. But, here comes that mostly unwavering positivity: I still think it's for my best. I firmly believe that leaving people and experiences, can remove the clutter in your mind and help you focus on what's really important. And today, it's family. And tomorrow, it's family. And for every other day of my life, it's family. My family is so important to me, which is a statement people always say, but I really mean it--like through tears mean it--and that's gotta mean something! Not that I have an idea of what's it's like to not have a family, but this one Christmas without has proved to be a powerful one in firming and, perhaps, solidifying my beliefs on the topic of family and leaves me feeling very lucky to have had a life where I have been able to celebrate with the same people every year.
And even if I'm still upset now, I know that tomorrow will be better and I'll always remember this Christmas as the one that filled me with the most love for my family.
And that's a pretty huge gift.
As for the blue Christmas, Chengdu saw the sun today. Guess I'm not the only one seeing the light.
Merry Christmas!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Happiness is...
I feel much better health-wise, China-wise, and even Christmas-wise. Which is just awesome. This week was nice, quite slow due to not much teaching. Classes were canceled on Friday and on Tuesday, no one was teaching Senior 3.
On Tuesday, the foreign AP teachers were invited to lunch with the Chinese principal: the head of the whole 6,000+ student school. Lunch was extravagant: lamb, best cuts of pig, whole shrimp, frozen fish bits served with a giant rose-colored piece of ice, turtle (with shell), frog soup, small potatoes, strange fruits, and more. Needless to say, many of us finished lunch still a bit hungry. I did try the turtle and yes, it was good--but not something I'd ever order myself. Though I would order frog; it's good and frogs aren't turtles. The frozen fish slices were thin and covered in "Chinese-wasabi" of many different colors and it was too spicy and strange for me to eat. The highlight of the lunch was the pandas. The principal gave each of us a plush panda and cub. Needless to say, I have slept much better this week :)
On Wednesday, I finally gave out my make-up midterm, which means I now have 25 midterms to grade. But I feel better getting many students caught up. Though we're very behind. We've covered 5 chapters out of 14 and only 200 out of 700 pages in the text. Part of this is the two weeks (one due to me sick the other the students gone) I didn’t teach and part of it is I started Oct 8, not in August. But the exam is in May and we have three weeks off for Chinese New Year, so it's gonna be tight. I'll have to learn how and where to make curriculum cuts.
Yesterday, after teaching a class full of videos (Ames Room, Phi Phenomenon with Christmas lights synced to music, and more), I returned home and quickly ate my favorite noodles, bought some party food/drink, and then friends arrived: my lunar bday! It was a wonderful evening. Lynette, Androgeny, Elliot, and Maggie (Chinese university students) surprised me with a cake, Cynthia surprised me with a NZ themed gift, and I invited my computer guy (and his wife) and the August staff. Even more to my surprise, Neil (the computer guy), and his wife, Brandy, showed up bearing traditional rice wine (strong strong stuff). Neil has helped me with my Internet twice and speaks a bit of English. He has mentioned he wants to practice his English and hang out, but I was still surprised he came. His wife teaches Japanese at Chengwai, my school, and was a lot of fun. Then another knock at the door produced the August crew: Jerry, Laurrr, and Cindy sans Hans. They brought me a fruit basket! I repeatedly (and perhaps drunkenly) said throughout the night, "This is the happiest I have been in China". After Neil and Brandy heard that I sing, Jerry and I made-up a song about Lunar birthdays and friends; maybe not our best impromptu, but it a lot of fun.
Then, I learned that it was Hans's lunar birthday (a far bigger deal than mine) and we took the whole party to August, bringing cake for him! He was surprised and delighted! We hung out there for the rest of the night--the idea of going downtown not very appealing. The whole night I was happy.
Some of my thoughts in China are about the big China adventure and how to be more adventurous. My ideas of this always revolve around going somewhere else and climbing mountains. Taking beautiful pictures is one of my favorite things to do--especially when it requires being in beautiful places. I told a friend this summer that without photography I'm not sure I'd ever want to leave a summit--it's hard to leave natural beauty. And I still have many many places that I want to see in China and in the world and marvel at all the beauty. And when I have free time and chose to just stay in Chengdu and relax, sometimes I beat myself up a little for not pushing the envelope and getting out there and adventuring. BUT, for the first time, I'm starting to see life a little differently. Part of the adventure has always been meeting new people, but maybe I get so caught up in looking for beauty that, well, I miss what's here. So there's a shift in the adventure: from finding beautiful landscapes and scenery to finding beautiful experiences. Of course the real goal would be to stop needing to actively search and, instead, see what beauty there already is.
Last night was beautiful: I was surrounded by people who I care about. I felt so fortunate that I am here in China and more fortunate that these people I've met are here in China. Friendships are just as beautiful as the most breath-taking summits.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Chinese Flu
I got sick. I haven't been sick in awhile and I kinda failed at being sick--because I went to work the day after having a fever, thinking I was better. I forgot my chord to show the powerpoint, was a bit irritable, and ended up staying home the rest of the week. But when I felt no better I headed to the hospital on Friday.
Chinese hospitals are more like health clinics. After being worried every time a student has e-mailed me headed to the hospital, I know understand that hospitals are where you go for everything. Simon, one of the Chinese staff from work, picked me up with a hired driver. We made it to the hospital where it was a mere 5 yuan to get a ticket to to see a Dr. She was nice, and diagnosed me almost instantly with Chinese flu (or that was the translation Simon provided). I was not very sure what they thought I had, but I found myself paying for a 17 yuan blood test, getting the test done, and eventually bringing the results back down to the doctor, who was eating her lunch. She smiled, so maybe blood work is good? I'm not sure still. She prescribed three mystery medications; one to take tomorrow; one to take three times a day and one to take today--as an infusion.
But before the infusion, I needed to eat something, so Simon and I left and found some bread, which was about all my appetite could hold. We returned to the infusion people and they got the needle in my left hand. All was well until I felt a very strange sensation which Simon realized was probably because the fluid was going into my hand, but maybe not my veins. There was a rather large bump on my hand. I could only laugh. Because when you don't understand something you can fear it or you can laugh. Needless to say, I laugh a lot in China. They switched the needle to my other hand and after 2 hours, I was free to go.
We took a taxi back and Cynthia popped over and made me a delicious chicken broth and rice soup. Sarah offered to make rice porridge. Jerry, Cindy, Hans and Laurrr (the August crew) came over that night for a ten-minute visit to make sure I was alive. Mark, the principal, brought over his homemade chicken soup the next day and by Saturday evening I was finally starting to feel a bit better.
When I get sick, I always get super-stressed, which never ever ever makes me feel better. Thanks to Mark's decision that I was not to come to school, I was able to take time off and start feeling better. And thanks to the offers of food and care, I felt much of the stress melt away. Though I am now behind in my teaching plan...but so what. I've been behind the whole year starting in October and that hasn't stopped me yet. Besides, I'm a 1st year teacher...I need to learn to give myself some credit for getting through the 5 chapters I've gotten through!
This week, though not what I was hoping for, was maybe what I needed: to be still, to watch too many movies, too feel cared for and loved by new friends, and just relax. This is a stressful life, but that was part of the appeal. If I can survive this year, just think of how much stronger I'll be? Think of how much more I'll be able to cope with! Or so I tell myself, buddy-boo, when things feel like they are starting to spiral out of control (which is only because I pretend to have some silly sense of control in this new and foreign environment that I rarely understand).
Now...what am I doing on my break? It's still weeks away, but Chinese New Year means the great migration as sons and daughters trek to their home times for Dragon Year festivities and thus plane and bus tickets will be scarce.
Chinese hospitals are more like health clinics. After being worried every time a student has e-mailed me headed to the hospital, I know understand that hospitals are where you go for everything. Simon, one of the Chinese staff from work, picked me up with a hired driver. We made it to the hospital where it was a mere 5 yuan to get a ticket to to see a Dr. She was nice, and diagnosed me almost instantly with Chinese flu (or that was the translation Simon provided). I was not very sure what they thought I had, but I found myself paying for a 17 yuan blood test, getting the test done, and eventually bringing the results back down to the doctor, who was eating her lunch. She smiled, so maybe blood work is good? I'm not sure still. She prescribed three mystery medications; one to take tomorrow; one to take three times a day and one to take today--as an infusion.
But before the infusion, I needed to eat something, so Simon and I left and found some bread, which was about all my appetite could hold. We returned to the infusion people and they got the needle in my left hand. All was well until I felt a very strange sensation which Simon realized was probably because the fluid was going into my hand, but maybe not my veins. There was a rather large bump on my hand. I could only laugh. Because when you don't understand something you can fear it or you can laugh. Needless to say, I laugh a lot in China. They switched the needle to my other hand and after 2 hours, I was free to go.
We took a taxi back and Cynthia popped over and made me a delicious chicken broth and rice soup. Sarah offered to make rice porridge. Jerry, Cindy, Hans and Laurrr (the August crew) came over that night for a ten-minute visit to make sure I was alive. Mark, the principal, brought over his homemade chicken soup the next day and by Saturday evening I was finally starting to feel a bit better.
When I get sick, I always get super-stressed, which never ever ever makes me feel better. Thanks to Mark's decision that I was not to come to school, I was able to take time off and start feeling better. And thanks to the offers of food and care, I felt much of the stress melt away. Though I am now behind in my teaching plan...but so what. I've been behind the whole year starting in October and that hasn't stopped me yet. Besides, I'm a 1st year teacher...I need to learn to give myself some credit for getting through the 5 chapters I've gotten through!
This week, though not what I was hoping for, was maybe what I needed: to be still, to watch too many movies, too feel cared for and loved by new friends, and just relax. This is a stressful life, but that was part of the appeal. If I can survive this year, just think of how much stronger I'll be? Think of how much more I'll be able to cope with! Or so I tell myself, buddy-boo, when things feel like they are starting to spiral out of control (which is only because I pretend to have some silly sense of control in this new and foreign environment that I rarely understand).
Now...what am I doing on my break? It's still weeks away, but Chinese New Year means the great migration as sons and daughters trek to their home times for Dragon Year festivities and thus plane and bus tickets will be scarce.
Friday, December 9, 2011
August in December
Hello. It's been far too long. I've learned a lot in these past weeks.
#1. Thanksgiving can happen in China
Thanks to everyone's efforts, I found delicious food twice with good company. I successfully Skype-d my family, and everything seemed grand. Oh, and I saw the pandas. The Chengdu Research Breeding Pandas and they pose for pictures, or so it seems. The weekend and the self-reflection that followed gave me a lot to be thankful for....and then the week that followed was just shit.
#2. Adults can act like colleges students.
Maybe I was naive to think that everyone older than me is wiser than me. And no, I'm not saying I'm wiser than them, but last week was difficult at work. Things do seem better now and I think most of the problems stemmed from outside stressors on everyone. But, some things happened that made my think--haha, what else is new. And I started realizing that maybe, just maybe, I've pretty much grown into the person I'm going to be for the rest of my life. Someone open to a life out loud. Sure, unexpected life events could alter me, but my core, the part that I call me, seems pretty whole. And you know what? I'm really starting to like that person--I've never spent so much time alone. This makes me even more thankful for having the family and friends that I have; and of course, the teachers! My colleagues are for the most part, wonderful, they just all have the same quarks that I recognize in my much friends. Guess those quarks, and my own, may also stay with us.
#3. Maggots suck.
Not for the faint of heart. Poor Cynthia has a few creatures coming into her place (same building as me) and after two weeks of fighting, she is moving. Still in my area, which is exciting to hear. I feel bad for be as she is quite phobic of the maggots. Then again, I don't know anyone who enjoys the company of a maggot. She's been so stressed mainly due to the language barrier. And I understand. It's really frustrating when one can't communicate to someone else. She can move Sunday, so hopefully all will be better.
#4. China lacks insulation.
Something I thought when I got here, but just like NZ, China lacks insulation. Which I now know as it's a bit chilly out and inside. I have heat pumps in three rooms; and a gas burner and toaster oven in the kitchen. Thank goodness I'm from Chicago(land). It won't get below freezing, but heating here is terribly inefficient. And has a side effect of MOLD, which I just discovered and irradiated this morning. I rarely use my heat though as it's costly and hey, why use the extra energy.
#5. My body can handle hotpot.
Chengdu is famous for its hotpot. Imagine a big bowl set in the middle of a table, with a burner underneath. Now fill that bowl in your mind with water. Add many red hot Chengdu peppers; then add in Chendgu peppercorns, you know, the kind that numb your mouth because they contain opioids. Now, get a small bowl and fill it a quarter of the way with oil. Add copious amounts of salt and MSG (both better than none) and some garlic and chives. Then panic as you realize how many peppers are floating. And that's a hotpot.
So there I was last Saturday night with Jerry, a new friend and his friends (all Chinese, all speaking Chinese) around two hotpots. Waitresses would bring us sticks of food ranging from quail eggs, squid, chicken, to strange vegetables, tofu, and more. Someone would put them in the hotpot and then we'd chat (or more listen if you happen to have a very limited knowledge of Chinese). Then someone would remember the food and sticks upon sticks of food would be removed. Using chopsticks, I removed the food from the stick into the oil bowl and then into the mouth. I was worried, like usual, about eating hot food, but guess what? It was delicious. I mean, really good. I wasn't sure exactly what I was eating (which I'm almost use to by now) and it was all pretty good. And not too spicy, though I probably blew my nose maybe 100 times. Needless to say, I left feeling very clear headed.
I asked them if they eat it often. They don't--it causes acne. Which of course makes sense as there's oil in the hotpot and a BOWL OF OIL where you dip it in. But it was good and I was so very proud of my stomach and taste buds; they're finally starting to give in!
#6. August is good.
Jerry, my new friend (gosh it feels like kindergarten to say that: "Hey mom, this is Jerry! We color together, he's cool") But he is cool. He runs August, a coffee shop that opened in...wait for it...August! They actually serve real coffee, really slow, but hey it's China and coffeehouses aren't big here. Tom showed me the place a while ago, but I'm finally getting out more.
Jerry is very sweet as are his girlfriend, partner, and partner's girlfriend. On Monday of this week, I hung out at August for a few hours learning some Chinese from the four of them. Last Saturday I went with Cindy and Jerry to hotpot, which was followed by truth or dare in a Sichuan tea house, where they serve Jasmine tea -- the only thing I've ever been allergic too.
But I digress, August is cozy. The people are nice and this weekend I might try to help Jerry figure out August's future; it's not doing to well business-wise...because it's coffee! We'll see!
#7. Biking is good.
I have a bike now. It's red. Jerry just lent me a helmet, which after raises the seat (by buying a longer seat stem) and adding a new lock makes my bike ride-able. Riding it this week to work is a rush. But so far, no accidents, just got stuck once in the middle of the road with a bus plowing at me, but I evaded well. I'll be safer now that I've learned green traffic lights can sometimes go straight to red (there is no yellow, the green just blinks, but at this particular intersection it blinks only twice).
#8 Chinese is hard.
But harder still is the discipline to practice.
#9 Teaching.
I've learned heaps, but will save it for an entry of it's own. I did survive my first principal review though. Not bad, for not teaching training to speak of!
I've almost finished decorating my apartment and making it feel like home. As I've been here 9 weeks now, I feel I need to finish this weekend. I bought spare sheets for my extra bed as I had some guests, Daniel and Sarah after a rockin' night out in Chengdu. Daniel and Sarah teach here as well; both from the UK. Daniel works in our school sometimes, which is how we met. So I'm trying to finish setting-up and need to start thinking about my three weeks off and how/where I'm going to spend them. I hear it's pretty miserable here in Chengdu weather-wise.
Also on my wish-list is re-caulking my kitchen. I bought the caulk today (or really adhesive--no caulk gun required) and a razor blade. Gosh I came home and you would've thought I was a kid on Christmas. Immediate I ran for the kitchen (like 2 feet from the door) and tested out the razor blade and started removing some old caulk before realizing I had to finish lesson plans. The goal of this little project is to stop water from dripping down the back wall of the kitchen and making my humid apartment wetter. Clearly I'm excited. Clearly it's bed time.
#1. Thanksgiving can happen in China
Thanks to everyone's efforts, I found delicious food twice with good company. I successfully Skype-d my family, and everything seemed grand. Oh, and I saw the pandas. The Chengdu Research Breeding Pandas and they pose for pictures, or so it seems. The weekend and the self-reflection that followed gave me a lot to be thankful for....and then the week that followed was just shit.
#2. Adults can act like colleges students.
Maybe I was naive to think that everyone older than me is wiser than me. And no, I'm not saying I'm wiser than them, but last week was difficult at work. Things do seem better now and I think most of the problems stemmed from outside stressors on everyone. But, some things happened that made my think--haha, what else is new. And I started realizing that maybe, just maybe, I've pretty much grown into the person I'm going to be for the rest of my life. Someone open to a life out loud. Sure, unexpected life events could alter me, but my core, the part that I call me, seems pretty whole. And you know what? I'm really starting to like that person--I've never spent so much time alone. This makes me even more thankful for having the family and friends that I have; and of course, the teachers! My colleagues are for the most part, wonderful, they just all have the same quarks that I recognize in my much friends. Guess those quarks, and my own, may also stay with us.
#3. Maggots suck.
Not for the faint of heart. Poor Cynthia has a few creatures coming into her place (same building as me) and after two weeks of fighting, she is moving. Still in my area, which is exciting to hear. I feel bad for be as she is quite phobic of the maggots. Then again, I don't know anyone who enjoys the company of a maggot. She's been so stressed mainly due to the language barrier. And I understand. It's really frustrating when one can't communicate to someone else. She can move Sunday, so hopefully all will be better.
#4. China lacks insulation.
Something I thought when I got here, but just like NZ, China lacks insulation. Which I now know as it's a bit chilly out and inside. I have heat pumps in three rooms; and a gas burner and toaster oven in the kitchen. Thank goodness I'm from Chicago(land). It won't get below freezing, but heating here is terribly inefficient. And has a side effect of MOLD, which I just discovered and irradiated this morning. I rarely use my heat though as it's costly and hey, why use the extra energy.
#5. My body can handle hotpot.
Chengdu is famous for its hotpot. Imagine a big bowl set in the middle of a table, with a burner underneath. Now fill that bowl in your mind with water. Add many red hot Chengdu peppers; then add in Chendgu peppercorns, you know, the kind that numb your mouth because they contain opioids. Now, get a small bowl and fill it a quarter of the way with oil. Add copious amounts of salt and MSG (both better than none) and some garlic and chives. Then panic as you realize how many peppers are floating. And that's a hotpot.
So there I was last Saturday night with Jerry, a new friend and his friends (all Chinese, all speaking Chinese) around two hotpots. Waitresses would bring us sticks of food ranging from quail eggs, squid, chicken, to strange vegetables, tofu, and more. Someone would put them in the hotpot and then we'd chat (or more listen if you happen to have a very limited knowledge of Chinese). Then someone would remember the food and sticks upon sticks of food would be removed. Using chopsticks, I removed the food from the stick into the oil bowl and then into the mouth. I was worried, like usual, about eating hot food, but guess what? It was delicious. I mean, really good. I wasn't sure exactly what I was eating (which I'm almost use to by now) and it was all pretty good. And not too spicy, though I probably blew my nose maybe 100 times. Needless to say, I left feeling very clear headed.
I asked them if they eat it often. They don't--it causes acne. Which of course makes sense as there's oil in the hotpot and a BOWL OF OIL where you dip it in. But it was good and I was so very proud of my stomach and taste buds; they're finally starting to give in!
#6. August is good.
Jerry, my new friend (gosh it feels like kindergarten to say that: "Hey mom, this is Jerry! We color together, he's cool") But he is cool. He runs August, a coffee shop that opened in...wait for it...August! They actually serve real coffee, really slow, but hey it's China and coffeehouses aren't big here. Tom showed me the place a while ago, but I'm finally getting out more.
Jerry is very sweet as are his girlfriend, partner, and partner's girlfriend. On Monday of this week, I hung out at August for a few hours learning some Chinese from the four of them. Last Saturday I went with Cindy and Jerry to hotpot, which was followed by truth or dare in a Sichuan tea house, where they serve Jasmine tea -- the only thing I've ever been allergic too.
But I digress, August is cozy. The people are nice and this weekend I might try to help Jerry figure out August's future; it's not doing to well business-wise...because it's coffee! We'll see!
#7. Biking is good.
I have a bike now. It's red. Jerry just lent me a helmet, which after raises the seat (by buying a longer seat stem) and adding a new lock makes my bike ride-able. Riding it this week to work is a rush. But so far, no accidents, just got stuck once in the middle of the road with a bus plowing at me, but I evaded well. I'll be safer now that I've learned green traffic lights can sometimes go straight to red (there is no yellow, the green just blinks, but at this particular intersection it blinks only twice).
#8 Chinese is hard.
But harder still is the discipline to practice.
#9 Teaching.
I've learned heaps, but will save it for an entry of it's own. I did survive my first principal review though. Not bad, for not teaching training to speak of!
I've almost finished decorating my apartment and making it feel like home. As I've been here 9 weeks now, I feel I need to finish this weekend. I bought spare sheets for my extra bed as I had some guests, Daniel and Sarah after a rockin' night out in Chengdu. Daniel and Sarah teach here as well; both from the UK. Daniel works in our school sometimes, which is how we met. So I'm trying to finish setting-up and need to start thinking about my three weeks off and how/where I'm going to spend them. I hear it's pretty miserable here in Chengdu weather-wise.
Also on my wish-list is re-caulking my kitchen. I bought the caulk today (or really adhesive--no caulk gun required) and a razor blade. Gosh I came home and you would've thought I was a kid on Christmas. Immediate I ran for the kitchen (like 2 feet from the door) and tested out the razor blade and started removing some old caulk before realizing I had to finish lesson plans. The goal of this little project is to stop water from dripping down the back wall of the kitchen and making my humid apartment wetter. Clearly I'm excited. Clearly it's bed time.
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